Swimming With Sharks

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 2 USERS: C
The Rupert Show Is Cancelled

And there was much rejoicing, at least in my house. ["Mine too. Like, to kind of an unseemly extent. On my part." -- Wing Chun]

Sandra looks shocked -- maybe a little too shocked? -- as Rupert takes his torch to Jeff. Jon grins, the smug bastard. Rupert manages to squeeze in a disappointed "I cannot believe that" just before Jeff's "the tribe has spoken." Rupert takes the long Walk of Booting -- yay! Yay, yay, yay! Sandra looks miserable.

Now, over the credits, Rupert gets to offer his final words. Here's what he has to say: "It is insane how bad I needed this. This would've made my life a lot better. I always get hurt trusting people. I want so badly to be accepted. And I never get the acceptance that I want. I don't fit. So much for my dreams." What a pile of self-indulgent, quasi-shrinky horseshit that is, seriously. Yes, Survivor is exactly the way to test whether you can make friends and find acceptance. Because if they really like and accept you, they'll...well, they'll let you win, I guess, is the theory. You know, when he went off on Jon after the last time he received votes, it seemed possible that Rupert was only offended in a kind of honor-and-dignity way that they would boot him before the merge, and that Rupert would graciously understand that he would be a target later. I just want to note for the record...NOT. Dude seriously thought they owed it to him not to vote for him. Ever. To let him win. To finish in "places of honor" by consent. So in the end, there are two choices. The first is that Rupert is an almost pathologically self-involved guy who honestly thinks that he should be able to have his way in any and all situations, simply by demanding obedience. The second is that twenty-seven days in the Pearl Islands made him, as one of my favorite writers once said, "poo-flinging bugfuck crazy." Take your pick.

Look, the guy got out-and-out beat. Rupert got beat because he made a big show of how much power he had in situations like Andrew and the rice exchange. He got beat because he told Lill she was going to be sent home in sixth place. He got beat because he had no ability to read Burton until much too late. He got beat because he overplayed his sub-alliance with Christa and Sandra. He got beat because he never adjusted to the merge, still insisting on seeing the tribe made up of "Drakes" and "Morgans." He got beat because he badly bungled the strategy of that last immunity challenge, which he very well might have won, had he targeted Burton first. He wasn't too nice, he wasn't too trusting, he wasn't too much of a threat, he wasn't a social misfit, he wasn't unlucky, he wasn't cursed, and he wasn't cheated. He was well-liked, physically powerful, and a good provider, and he still only made it about halfway through the game. Because, in the end, he didn't play very well. It's not a tragedy, it's not a cautionary tale, it's not a teaching moment, and it isn't a sad commentary on our times. It's bad play, leading to a bad result, and the guy needs to get over himself.

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