Swimming With Sharks

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 2 USERS: C
The Rupert Show Is Cancelled

Meanwhile, in a subplot that you will be surprised to hear is only the second most blatant metaphor of the week, Rupert is fishing for sharks. "The only way I'm taking that shot is if I can get directly over him, pin him straight down in the head, and hold that spear into him. Because if not, he's going to be gone, with my spear." See, unless you can get the direct hit at the big shark, he'll just wriggle from your grasp and you'll never get another shot at him. If you don't get it yet, I could provide you with a charcoal illustration where the shark's head is decorated with long hair and a shaggy beard. And is wearing a skirt.

At the Camp Meeting of Intrigue, Burton is explaining to Tijuana and Darrah that the Triumvirate alliance is too solid for him or Jon or Lill to break through. Therefore, if you are a Morganite woman, this is your lucky day. Jon lays out the plan, which is that they'll take Rupert out first. If Rupert wins immunity, they'll take Christa out first. Lill brings up the fact that there's going to be a lot of talk from the Triumvirate about Darrah going next. She says she'll just play it off the way that previous gracious bootees have done -- disappointed but resigned. Hee. Burton stresses that the five of them absolutely have to remain united, and Jon adds the (I admit) wise suggestion that there should be no more talking about it, at all, because getting busted is pretty much the only thing that can go wrong now. A revived Tijuana does a little arm-pumping happy dance. She also gives Jon a big hug, which probably she should have skipped for strategic as well as hygienic reasons, since you never know who could walk up at any time. Burton talks with some amusement about just how thrilled Tijuana and Darrah were about getting another shot at staying around. Darrah, to this effect, interviews that she'd been "down in the dumps" about being next, and now, for obvious reasons, she's feeling better. It's amazing what being brought back from the figuratively dead will do for a down-on-her-luck mortician.

Rupert didn't get the shark. Hmm, didn't get it, huh? Imagine. He did not get the victory. He did not overcome adversity. Rupert did not succeed. Rupert came down on the losing side of the epic battle. Take a minute; let it sink in. Anyway, Rupert says that he "loves being the baddest hunter out there," and would have loved to bring the shark back. "I never give up; I never surrender," he says gravely, to the delight of Galaxy Quest-loving forum posters. "I never admit defeat." That's going to be a little tough when you're enjoying your first KFC meal at Loser Lodge, babe.

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