Swimming With Sharks

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 2 USERS: C
The Rupert Show Is Cancelled

So now, Jeff asks if Burton and Lill will be keeping the reward or giving it away. Lill answers immediately that she wants to keep it. Well, of course she does. It's a boat! It's pizza and beer! Who wouldn't keep that? Burton, on the other hand, thinks for a minute and then gives his reward to Jon. Ooooh, is Rupert gonna be mad! Of course, if you see it from Burton's point of view, there is absolutely no freakin' way he can let Lill go off on a boat with Rupert for hours. No way. So as nice as it would have been strategically for Burton to continue to promote the image of his friendship with Rupert, there was nothing else he could do here. This is why telling Rupert he intended to give him the reward if he won it was a bad move earlier. Granted, Burton couldn't have known Lill would be the co-winner and so forth, but it was an unnecessary risk. Rupert, of course, seethes. I suspect he is seething even in his baby pictures. Even in x-rays. Even in dental x-rays. Jon and Lill are going out on the boat together. Interesting.

Commercials. X2 on DVD. Mmm, Hugh Jackman. If you didn't see the Saturday night Great Performances in which he performed in Oklahoma!, you just don't know how scorching hot an Australian singing "People Will Say We're In Love" can really be.

"Well, that reward challenge was not as much fun as I had hoped," Rupert complains as the tribe walks along the beach toward camp post-challenge. Hmm, it must have been the losing. The total, deserved, self-inflicted losing. "Painful, painful, painful," he bitches. He should talk -- he isn't even the one who was forced to see his own nether regions. Burton says in an interview that he didn't give the reward to Rupert because he didn't want Rupert to get a lot of food going into the immunity challenge. So maybe my reason wasn't his reason. But my reason is better, so I'm sticking with it. Anyway, Burton says that he wants Rupert "tired, weak, injured, and hobbling around" at the IC. I don't think he literally means "injured"; I think he's just saying he wants Rupert as weak as possible at the IC, because he's been winning them quite a bit. Although if you see a guy running at Rupert with a baton and whapping him in the knee, and then you see Rupert writhing on the ground, crying, "Why? Why? Why" as his white lace skating dress becomes soaked with tears, you will know that Burton was more serious than I thought.

Over at Rupert's Gradual Descent Into Madness, he is chopping away at the outside of a coconut or something. "This is the outside," he snarls to an observing Christa. Or, quite possibly, to some invisible people who you and I and Christa cannot actually see. "This stinks of ROT and DEATH." And he says it with total, absolute grim seriousness, which is...really almost too much to believe. "There's just so much ROT and DEATH here," he continues, as Christa just looks on, probably dumbfounded by this psychotic display. Rupert goes on to interview that he knew he wasn't that secure when Burton didn't give him the reward -- and when Lill didn't give it to him. Oh, please. In what definition of reality would Lill, even if she were still in Rupert's alliance, be expected to give him her reward, which she won fair and square? "Scum," mutters Fucking Crazy Rupert as he picks at the coconut. "The bastard's gonna get [something something] to play with the whales." Yeah. Because he won. And you didn't. Because you were slower with the puzzle than he was. You know, when somebody says he's going to give you a great gesture of generosity to which you are not entitled, and then he changes his mind, you can think it's kind of impolite of him, but it doesn't make him "scum." Or a "bastard." Whatever. "Last goddamn thing I give to Burton," he mutters, "except a vote." So despite the fact that Rupert said he was giving Burton the breakfast because Burton gave him immunity, Rupert was apparently only giving Burton the breakfast to make Burton indebted to him. Yeah, too bad that didn't work too well. I think it just makes Rupert livid when he isn't able to manipulate people the way he wants to. "Rot...and death," he mutters. He really does have a screw loose, no kidding. It's sad, and kind of not that funny.

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