Survivor

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Arrested Development

For the first round, we have Brett, Erik, and Dave Ball in the pit for Galu and Shamo, blonde chick, and the girl who isn't Monica shooting. If this show isn't going to make any effort in telling me who these players are then I'm certainly not going to make the effort to look them up. For Foa Foa, it'll be Mick, Li'l Russell, and Jeffrey Tambor in the pit and Liz, Betsy, and the long-haired blonde girl shooting. Probst says go and the men run into each other and wrestle. Jeffrey Tambor gets a ball to Betsy, but her shot is terrible. Two balls get in the hands of the Galu ladies, who also miss. Probst keeps calling Jeffrey Tambor a name that isn't Jeffrey Tambor or Mike, so whatever. Li'l Russell piledrives Brett. Erik nails Mick, who rolls on the ground in pain. Finally, Liz makes a successful shot to give Foa Foa a point. The mud pit team gets to sit out the next round, and Jeffrey Tambor is clearly hurting.

Next up, we have the women down in the pit and the remaining players who haven't gone at all yet on the platforms -- Russell, Yasmin, and John for Galu and Ashley, Ben, and Jaison for Foa Foa. Ben is wearing tight little yellow underwears like a fool. I didn't think a contestant could have more embarrassing underwear than Li'l Russell, but Ben did it! Probst says go, and I cannot wait to see Shambo mess some ladies up. Except she gets knocked down immediately and is ineffective. Disappointing! John takes a shot, but it's short. He's a rocket scientist, not an athlete. A chickfight between the woman who isn't Monica and a blonde girl on Foa Foa results in exposed breasts and choking on the part of (I think) the girl who isn't Monica. Probst warns her not to choke. OH! And then! Shambo finally comes through and nails Liz as she's about to catch a ball. "Easy on the face!" Probst tells her. John gets another shot, and this time he makes it. One point for Galu!

With Liz suffering from an indented face in the shape of Shambo's hands and the blonde girl dealing with a collapsed windpipe, Probst calls the tribes together for a refresher course on the rules. He says if he sees another hit to the face or neck or any "cheap shots," intentional or no, he will kick the perpetrator out of the challenge. He starts the third round, with the men on the platforms and the men/women combo team on the ground. He calls go, and Yasmin immediately grabs ahold of Ashley's neck and takes her down. But apparently that's okay. Russell and Jaison mix it up while Ben goes after John. There's a little bit of contact between Ben and Yasmin when he pushes her away from a ball. It was a push, but it was almost certainly a lighter one than he would have given to a male opponent. Brett takes a shot and, in trying to catch the ball that misses the net by a mile, Ben is pushed by Russell, who then gets the ball. Ben is so angry that he straight-up kicks Russell as he runs away, taking his feet out from under him. Eagle-eyed Probst sees this and stops the challenge to kick Ben out. Good. That was a dick move, and he's wearing heavy boots, too, so it was probably pretty painful. Probst says this is the first time in the history of this show that he's had to kick someone out of the challenge. Ben sits in the penalty box while Betsy shakes her head in disappointment. Now Foa Foa has to play two people in the pit against Galu's three. Which probably isn't a problem for Ashley (Russell and John wouldn't dare touch her) but will suck hard for Jaison. Probst starts the game over again, and Russell heads straight for Jaison while John and Yasmin grab all three balls and hand them to the people on the platforms. Ashley does nothing. Erik quickly gets a second point for Galu.

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Survivor

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