Thanks for the Souvenir

Episode Report Card
Kim: D | Grade It Now!
Ding Dong

Tarzan asks to speak to Colton alone, and Alicia invites herself along. I know I haven't talked about Alicia's bikini yet, and I'm not one for body-shaming because we all come in all shapes and sizes and we don't always choose the most flattering options for our body types, but seriously: What the fuck was she thinking with that thing? No one would look good in that. It's horrific. Anyway, Jonas interviews that Colton and Alicia are awful. Thanks for the news bulletin, Jonas. Those are your allies. Do something about it.

Christina takes the opportunity of Tarzan, Colton, and Alicia being away from the camp for a moment and talks to Jonas and Leif. She tells them that she knows she's going home next, but also tells them that Alicia has an alliance with the women from Salani. So at the merge, they will have an alliance of five people. And there will be seven guys. I'm not sure what Christina's angle is here. I guess she's assuming that the guys won't all vote together, necessarily? Christina emphasizes that she was not part of the women's alliance. Jonas interviews that he doesn't know much about Alicia's status with the women from Salani. While Christina talks, Alicia wanders up and Christina doesn't shut up but continues talking. Alicia gives her a slow clap and then insults Christina some more, and says she's digging herself a bigger grave. Christina says she's got nothing to lose. Alicia gets all defensive, which doesn't help her efforts to make it look like she's got nothing to hide, if you ask me. She also says things like, "It's wack. You're crazy." I'm sorry, I can't be in an alliance with someone who uses slang that I learned from Kid 'n Play in House Party 3. Alicia interviews that Jonas doesn't need to know about her alliance, so Christina needs to go. Christina barely gets another word out before Alicia keeps saying that she's done, done, done. Christina should ask when everyone voted and decided that Alicia gets to decide who gets to talk when. That's what I would be wondering.

That night, Colton has a really bad headache. Maybe it's all of the garbage inside of him rebelling and trying to find a way out, through his skull. Maybe it's the tiny devil in his brain poking at him. Colton has his head in Christina's lap (?) and says that he woke up and it felt like his brain was swelling. That's not good. And now it feels like he has a pain like a knife in his belly button. Christina comforts him by telling him he'll be fine. Christina interviews that when someone is sick, she's going to help, but she's also aware that it could help her game standing. Colton interviews that Christina took on a motherly role, but he knew she was only doing it to help her standing in the game. Well, also because she's a nice person, apparently. I guess that never entered Colton's sick infected mind.

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