Thanks for the Souvenir

Episode Report Card
Kim: D | Grade It Now!
Ding Dong

Later that day, Jonas gets on Tarzan's shoulders to try to knock down some breadfruit. I totally think they only showed that scene as a fakeout because the previews showed a medical situation. I was sure one of them was getting a coconut to the head, and if Gilligan's Island has taught me anything (and boy, has it) that would mean the victim would immediately be able to speak fluent French or sing opera or something. Anyway, it was a fakeout. Tarzan looks at Colton's tongue and says he's dehydrated. Remember, Tarzan is a doctor. I know. I KNOW! Who would go to him? Tarzan then lists off all the maladies that Colton can expect if he doesn't drink water, like great bedside manner, Tarzan. In an interview, Tarzan lists off all of the things that could be wrong with Colton, like appendicitis or gall bladder attack or gas. He is not that useful.

Colton stands up and looks sick, then hustles off into the jungle. So I'm guessing he thinks he might poop himself. We see Colton bending over, hands on knees, and then they cut to some animals, and then we see Colton lying on his side on the jungle floor, alone. Is he dead? What just happened? Colton interviews that he left camp because he thought he might have to go to the bathroom and he had a pain like a knife in his side. Christina comes upon him and he says that he's dying. She runs off somewhere and then returns and helps him walk somewhere more comfortable.

Moments later, Probst shows up with the medical team. Ramona the doctor asks Colton what's going on. He says he's been in pain for a few days but it got a lot worse today. Probst wants Ramona to talk through her process, and she says she's trying to determine where the pain is and how severe it is. Colton also has a shirt on where he didn't before. Ramona warns him this will hurt and then presses on his stomach and he says that it hurts more when she presses. His heart rate also skyrocketed, so he's not faking it. I didn't think he was faking it; why would he when he's in control of the game right now? Save the fake-out for when you're out of power.

Ramona says that it could be appendicitis, and Colton starts crying because he doesn't want to leave. Probst tries to get Ramona to give a diagnosis, and Ramona says that they need to do more testing to be sure, but it's likely, and they can't just let it go because his appendix could burst. Colton starts crying but finally seems to accept that he has to leave. Probst asks about the Idol and Colton asks if he can give it away. Probst says it's Colton's choice but this whole segment is weirdly edited and after reading Colton's post-game interviews where he said this was a much lengthier discussion, it makes more sense. Colton claims that he wanted to give the idol to Jay, but was told he couldn't give it to someone on the other tribe. Who knows if he's telling the truth? The rest of the tribe comes over and Colton delivers the news that they think he has appendicitis. Leif asks the dumbest question: "Does it really hurt really bad?" No, Leif, he's lying there crying for no reason.

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