Survivor

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Special Guest Editor: Parvati Shallow
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Amidst footage of rapidly-growing mushrooms that I am about 99% certain the crew didn't take but probably bought off of a PBS documentary, the Heroes return to camp. James has a lot to answer for and begins speaking immediately, saying that he doesn't like losing and wondering if he phrased his point incorrectly. If his point was, "I want to look like a giant asshole" then I'd say he phrased it just fine. "You coulda been gentler, that's all," Tom says, patting James on his humongous pecs. The menfolk agree that they said things that needed to be said at Tribal Council and now they can move on from it and be a stronger team. But Tom doesn't appear to be so over it in an interview, as he accuses James of being "nasty, brutish, and bullying." J.T. corners Tom to do some damage control, saying that he "respects" Tom and when they made their initial alliance, J.T. was telling the truth that it was his only alliance. It was only when he realized that they were "at the bottom of the totem pole" that he had to scramble and turn against his alliance with Tom. You have to hand it to J.T.: his lies always make sense and are said in the most earnest of tones. Tom says he understands and they hug manfully. Once again, however, Tom isn't quite so over things in his interview, where he says that while he still feels betrayed by J.T., he's hoping that J.T.'s guilt is sincere and will buy Tom some extra time. Meanwhile, Colby sees the writing on the wall and tells Tom that he's just not into the game this time around, which is what we say when we know we're going to lose anyway.

The Villains settle down for a good night's sleep, with Parvati snuggling up to Li'l Russell. They giggle and touch each other, oblivious to the fact that everyone around them is being kept awake and not thrilled about it. Even Douche must be thinking "how is it possible that I am not the most annoying person in a ten mile radius?" Rob interviews that he's keeping a close eye on who sleeps next to who, because that's the best way to tell who is in a true alliance. According to his logic, then, Li'l Russell and Parvati and Douche and Jerri have paired off into sleepmates/close allies. Rob says those kinds of close alliances are especially dangerous, which he knows for a fact since he slept next to Amber and they won their season. I love how he thinks that he's imparting his wisdom to future generations of Survivor contestants, when the truth is that most people who will be on this show next season and however many there are beyond it will have never seen this show before and were cast because one of the lazy casting people some them at the Saddle Ranch bar, and not even the one on Sunset Strip -- the one on the Universal Citywalk.

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Survivor

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