Survivor

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Special Guest Editor: Parvati Shallow

Probst then turns back to Sandra and asks her if the tribe has a leader, because Probst is freaking obsessed with tribes having leaders. Douche smiles self-importantly, but Sandra's answer is not what he was expecting. She says there are different leaders for different tasks, like when they're building the shelter, they defer to Rob's expertise. And sometimes Douche bosses everyone around, only to then go off somewhere that she describes as "two miles out." I'm not sure if she meant that he was off on the beach doing warrior poses or in the woods slacking off or in the ocean trying to catch food. But Douche takes great exception to Sandra's words, saying he doesn't appreciate being called out by name and that her words are "a bunch of bullshit" since he personally spent three hours collecting firewood. And he knows it was three hours because I guess he set up an accurate sundial on the beach. He says that he works harder than anyone else around camp while they all slack off and do their own thing, which is why their shelter is "the worst in Survivor history." Jerri begs to differ, saying that she's pretty sure she was in the worst shelter in Survivor history. She probably means the one Rupert built that was 50% underground and 100% flooded. Courtney, too, believes that she might have been in the worst shelter ever. Everyone is smiling and laughing, but it doesn't last, as Douche is still offended by Sandra's words and tells her to vote him out if she doesn't think he's pulling his weight on the tribe. She didn't say that. Douche is being a wee bit defensive tonight. Clearly, someone has an agenda this season to not look like a useless hypocrite who is full of shit. Sandra tries to say that she didn't mean it that way (at least I think that's what "I'm just saying I get stuck with you and you guys roll out" means), but Douche won't be mollified. So she suddenly changes the subject to the tribe's machete, which has been missing all day. Li'l Russell is positively thrilled to see that his dirty work is finally paying off. "What do you mean, you 'have no machete?'" Probst asks, as if he doesn't know. "It grew legs and walked off," Sandra says. Probst and the tribe laugh at this, which isn't quite the internal strife and chaos Li'l Russell was expecting. Ha! Next time you hide or destroy people's things, make sure you do it to a tribe full of people who give a shit. That really hasn't been the case with either of the tribes Li'l Russell has done this to.

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Survivor

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