That's Baked, Barbecued And Fried!

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
And Mikey Is Cooked

Back at the tribe with people we actually want to see, James sees Perennial Law School Student Eliza Chetting it up on the beach, and asks her if she's feeling okay. She's not, so James kindly offers her water or a coconut before not-so-kindly telling her to "suck it up." James's mood regulator appears to be a seesaw. Eliza tells us that she's sick and has swollen glands (uh...TMI, Eliza. I don't need to hear about your glands), and that this isn't helping her to make her case that she's not the weakest person there. Oh well, Eliza. Maybe if you ever finish law school, you'll learn how to build cases. We cut to the symbolic nature shot of a moth caught in a spider's web. Also, the spider is holding a tiny little shovel perfect for digging graves in one of his eight hands. James and Ozzy talk about how they should have voted Eliza out last night because she's dying. "We're stupid," James sighs. He tells the camera that he wants to eliminate the weak and keep the strong (yeah, right. Everyone on this show says that, but no one ever means it), but that, thanks to Cirie, he kept their weakest player in the game.

Back at camp, James and Ozzy continue to discuss how wrong they were not to vote out Eliza, and how dumb it was to vote out Yau-Man instead. "I'm still sitting right here," says Eliza. HA! James has no shame. That's funny. Might not be the smartest move, but funny. Eliza might be "weak" physically, but she's not stupid. And now she'll be gunning to get rid of James. Although everyone seems to hate her and want her gone as soon as possible anyway, so there probably isn't much magic for her to work. Then again, that's the way it was for her during her season, and she managed to make it to the final four. "You're about to die. I don't want you to die," says James. Oh, I see. He's just concerned. Because he knows that if Eliza does die, everyone's going to stand around and say, "Who should bury her? Someone should. I would, but I don't have much experience in grave-digging. If only we had someone here who did..." and then everyone's eyes will slowly focus on James and he'll have to do it. Eliza insists that she's lying around now to save up her strength for the challenge. She tells them that whatever she has is not contagious, since she's apparently a medical school student as well as a law school one. Either that, or she's faking sick and knows it, but I can't understand why she'd want to do that. She says that she'll do better in the next challenge than Yau-Man would have. "We'll see, darling," says James, so condescendingly. Aw, why be an asshole to Eliza? It's not her fault you voted for Yau-Man -- it's yours. Be an asshole to yourself if you must. Eliza tells us that James and Ozzy made her feel like crap. She tells James that this doesn't make her want to perform well in the challenge, which is an empty threat, since James clearly doesn't think she'll perform well in the challenge anyway. "You're sick AND you got attitude?" James laughs. "I hate these people. I do," Eliza tells us. She hopes they get sicker than she is and have to be removed from the game. There's another way to remove them from the game, Eliza -- get off your ass and plot and scheme and get them voted off like everyone else!

Reward challenge! The Fans -- well, Kathy at least -- are shocked to see Yau-Man gone. Probst explains the challenge: four team members will dive into the water and get team-colored coconuts with letters on them from an underwater cage. Once they get all the coconuts, they'll bring them back to shore, where their remaining teammates will unscramble the letters into a word. The winner gets three hens, a rooster, and chicken feed. For the longest time, I thought Probst was saying "chicken feet," and I was like, "Duh. I'm pretty sure all chickens come with feet. Unless they're those KFC chickens I've heard urban legends about." Probst tries to convince the contestants not to immediately slaughter and devour their prize by extolling the virtues of delicious, nutritious eggs. Eggs are great and all, but even if you keep the hens alive for eggs...why do you need a rooster? Your days are numbered, Foghorn Leghorn. And that number is one. There's also the Exile Island thing. The Fans shock no one by choosing to sit out Chet, and the challenge begins. The fans take the lead as Jason grabs a coconut and makes his way back to the platform, while Ozzy stays down below, pushing all of his team's coconuts forward in a little something I like to call "strategy." This is not lost on Joel, who warns Jason from the sidelines. Ozzy finally emerges with a coconut, and the Favorites quickly take the lead, since all of their coconuts are now sitting in the front of the cage waiting for them. At one point, Jonathan's coconut pops to the surface before he does and Jason makes a move to push it away, but he doesn't. Dumb. Natalie briefly loses her top in her efforts, giving the cameraman a little teat. I mean, "treat." The Favorites get their coconuts and make their way to the shore so that the other half of their team can take over. In a move that must have seriously pissed off Eliza, James is the one who figures out the word: "Triumphant." The Favorites get their word spelled before the Fans even get all of their coconuts. That's kind of a shame, just because I wanted to see Unfrozen Caveman Firefighter try to spell. Oh well! Probst congratulates the winning team, adding that it's up to them what they do their clucking prize. James is licking his lips, if that's a hint. The Favorites send Kathy back to Exile Island with Ozzy. The pair walk off hand-in-hand.

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