Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 2 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Way to Go, Exile Alliance

J.T. and Stephen go off to talk. J.T. tells Stephen about how he and Brendan bonded on the rafting trip. "I thought you might!" Stephen says, because he is the only person in this game who's remotely aware of J.T.'s bizarre power over other people. J.T. says that Brendan told him he wants J.T. in the finals. "Why would he want that?" Stephen immediately asks before realizing that if he were talking to a sharper person, he would have just given away the fact that he doesn't want to go to the finals with him. "He likes me a lot," J.T. says. "But that's crazy," Stephen says, again basically saying that someone would have to be crazy to want to go against J.T. in the finals. Not that J.T. has anything to worry about, since he knows he can convince anyone to take him to the finals just by smiling at him. Stephen thinks they should really consider aligning with Brendan against Douche, which I very much agree with! J.T. agrees, too, saying that Douche is crazy. "That story about him being captured on the Amazon? That's just hard to believe," J.T. says in the nicest way possible. He reckons that he would have brought some type of firearm to the Amazon with him and shot all the indigenous people and wonders why Douche didn't do the same. "You know what I mean?" he asks Stephen. Stephen clearly does not. But they agree that they're in control of this game right now despite the fact that one of them is unintelligible sometimes. J.T. interviews that his tribe was down in numbers going into the merge, but they seem to have all the power anyway. It's basically down to them to decide if Brendan goes home or Douche.

Brendan interviews that he's expecting the old Tempura to go after J.T. while his secret alliance takes out Douche. Douche and Brendan are standing around the fire when Brendan suggests that the Tempurans get together to talk. They send up the Asshole Signal and the Tempurans come running. Brendan, Tyson, and Sierra agree to vote J.T. out tonight and everyone is lying right now. Douche then runs off to interview about dragons again, also adding that leaders are born and tonight when Brendan goes home, everyone will know that Douche is the chosen one, which is "very fulfilling." With that, he either anoints himself with his buff or waves off some flies who smelled the shit coming out of his mouth and stopped by for dinner. The only people who chose Douche are the casting people for this show, who are all horrible people with bad taste.

Forza arrives at Tribal Council. Probst's first question is who keeps the tribe laughing, like that's important. She immediately says Tyson for his "off-handed, witty comments." Yes, it was very witty when he made that comment about how women shouldn't boss him around. Too bad Erinn wasn't witty enough to realize that he wasn't joking. Probst then asks J.T. who tells the best campfire stories, because that's what he really wants to talk about and everyone knows it. J.T. immediately says Douche, and Probst asks Taj for details. Of course, she tells him about Douche's Amazon adventure, and Probst raises his eyebrows as if he didn't know all about this already. "This really happened? Or this is a movie version of what you want to have happen?" Probst asks awesomely. Douche says that he actually toned his recounting of factual events down, because the real story was that the tribe was looking at his asshole and talking about eating it. And he knows they were talking about eating it how? Does he know their language? He doesn't even know Portuguese! And let's face it -- even if this tiny Indian tribe were also cannibals, would they really want to eat an asshole of all things? Or maybe that's just the most appetizing part of Douche's body. Meanwhile, everyone else in the tribe attempts to suppress smiles and laughter. Probst asks Douche if it bothers him that some people might not believe him, and Douche says that his life has, indeed, been "fantastic," but he has scars all over his body to prove that what he's saying is true. And he's been in "five, six, seven, or eight life-or-death situations." Sierra can't hold the laughter back any longer. Probst barely can, and questions this.

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Survivor

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