Survivor

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Just after Tribal Council, the dwindling Jalapeño tribe returns to a camp full of symbolic spiders. Taj says she feels bad Sydney was voted out, but not that much since it was either Sydney or Taj going home tonight. Joe interviews that he now feels like the odd man out for the first time. I wonder if, watching it at home now, Joe has realized that he was the odd man out for almost the entire time. Doubt it. In the shelter, the four remaining members think about how strong their tribe was in the beginning, only to suck out right before the merge. Yes, it is both shameful and sad, because their implosion means that Douche is still in this game and will make it to the jury at the very least. Taj hopes their luck will change tomorrow. Stephen bows his head in doubt.

After the credits, the Survivor editors have gone insane and given us a freaking montage set to "Carmina Burana" of Douche being even more obliviously ridiculous than usual. Watch as he stretches by the waterfront in an attempt to impress his tribe with his approximation of Tai Chi! Thrill as the editors insert fake lightning and get way too close to his pecs! I don't know if I should give the editors a hand for hating Douche just as much as I do or hate everyone involved with this show for him being cast in the first place. With that, we cut over to the rest of the tribe watching Douche pose and wonder what he's doing. Sadly, Erinn isn't around to say something awesome about what a phony loser jackass Douche is. Douche interviews that he's been trying his hardest to work with his tribe full of lesser individuals and not call them out on their inferiority. He probably thinks he's done an awesome job of that, too. He says his prayer/meditation/centering/whatever he did got him re-focused on the fact that it's no longer about playing the game for the tribe -- "this is about me now." Yes, I hear meditation is great for enabling one's selfish pursuits.

With that, Douche gives all the ladies massages, whether they want them or not. Erinn even gets a massage, and Douche is somehow able to touch her without his fingers burning off upon contact with her untruthiness. Erinn interviews that Douche has been nice to everyone around camp lately, and if the stupid water meditation is what's making that happen, she's all for it. In fact, she'll push him in the water and "whatever needs to happen. Because I like new Coach." Nooo, Erinn! NO! I can't lose you to the Douche spell! Also, he's now giving Tyson a massage. Of course.

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Survivor

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