Survivor
The End Of Innocence

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Leave it to Mark Burnett. Just when you think you know how this game works, the unthinkable happens: Maraamu wins a challenge. And then they win another one. Because when Paschal and Neleh comprise half of any winning team, you just know there's some larger power at work. And when they comprise half of a winning team twice in a row...well, God may be still good (as Vecepia insisted last week), but Mark Burnett's always a fucker.

In any case, last week on Survivor, the tribes were switched up, and Peachy proclaimed it a new game for everyone. Rob, Sean, and Vecepia became members of the new Rotwo tribe, where they revolted against the worst four-letter word of them all: work. Sean and Rob complained, but Vecepia just "bunk[ed] that." The new Maraanu tribe (consisting of Sarah, Gina, Paschal, Kathy, and Neleh) lost yet another challenge and voted off Sarah, who then proudly discussed her fake breasts in a national publication.

Drums beat, and a many-legged insect scurries at Rotwo on Day 13. A very buff Tammy does push-ups, and a buffer-than-expected Zoe fetches water. Rob drinks from a coconut shell, makes a wincing face, and proclaims the beverage "kinda gross, huh?" He spits out the milk, and Tammy looks bothered. In a voice-over, Rob explains that the tribes were switched up three days ago, and that he's not happy about it. He says he had everything under control (and not to mention a fine piece of ass) at Maraamu, but he's suddenly in the minority because of the 5-3 original Rotu/original Maraamu breakdown of Rotwo. Now Zoe drinks from a coconut and proclaims it the "nectar of the gods."

Sean sleeps on the tribe's raft as Rob tells us in a confessional that Sean "definitely is done with the game." He says that Sean just lies around and doesn't try to fit in at all. But that's not any different from how he behaved before the switch-up, so Rob's point is lost on me. In any case, Rob is "definitely almost positive" that Sean will be the next to go. If it's not Sean, Rob says, it will be himself or Vecepia, the latter of whom has the better chance because she's a good ass-kisser. He makes a big, smoochy sound to demonstrate said ass-kissing and grins, "You know what I'm sayin'?" Incidentally, officials at Boston University are currently reevaluating their admissions process. Immediately, we cut to a shot of Vecepia talking to Tammy; Vecepia's not puckering up, but she might as well be. Rob tells us that he wanted to try to make some kind of agreement or alliance with the former members of Rotu. We see Rob asking the others whether they consider the new Rotwos to be as much a part of the tribe as Neleh, Kathy, and Paschal were. As far as Tammy's concerned, the new members are Rotwos, and she says, "Right now, that's what we deal with." "Deal with" is the key there. Because who "deal[s] with" pleasant and wonderful things? "What we deal with," in that sentence, is just code for "crap we cannot change." Robert rambles on Dr. Seuss-like for a bit about who's more Rotwo than who. He concludes that since Rob's in the tribe now, he's full-fledged Rotwo, and The Moppet agrees. In a confessional, The Moppet acts like the former members of Maraamu just dropped a Coca-Cola bottle into the Rotu camp. He says that they "brought the game with them," and people are now corrupted by worries about how long they'll last. He drama-queens, "It's started here at our camp now." I think it started when they applied to be contestants on a game called Survivor, but The Moppet seems to have lost sight of that. Zoe and the former members of Maraamu head off on a hike as The Moppet explains to us that his first intention was to create a society with "seven strangers," and that things have completely changed since the switch. I now realize his problem: he thinks he's on The Real World Marquesas.

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Survivor

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