The Final Four: No Regrets

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Fallen Comrats

Previously on Survivor: the whole season. Read the recaps.

The real previouslies: Lex Loser won immunity and Teresa "played her final card." Not, however, in a game taught by expert card player Kimj. "A little birdy" whispered in Teresa's ear. And never again will the words "little birdy" be used to describe Tom Buchanan. Despite her machinations, Teresa got voted out anyway. Four remain, and according to Peachy, "one will outlast all the rest and become the sole survivor!"

We open the show at Mofo Maji on Night 36. Cape buffalo eyes really glow in the dark. They look like cheap Buffy demons. As the S4 return from Tribal Council, they congratulate each other on making the final four. Kimj and Ethan hug, and a close-up shot reveals Ethan grinning giddily. He's both grinning and giddy -- that's a lot of emotions packed into one expression for Ethan. Lex Loser tells us in a voice-over that they're in the home stretch, and emotions are "just all over the map." He says the game extends over thirty-nine days, and "the whole thing is like a giant puzzle." Teresa's confession and revelation about Tom's "treachery" helped him fit some of the loose pieces into that puzzle. This is followed by a close-up of Tom's vacant eyes looking particularly vacant. Lex Loser whispers to Ethan that Teresa cast the mystery vote due to "one thing and one thing only": Tom's claim that Lex Loser couldn't be trusted. Ethan's head is bowed throughout this exchange; actually, Ethan is slumped over throughout much of this episode, even after winning a million dollars. Kimj tells us in a confessional that Teresa "came clean" and revealed that, during the nearly unanimous Tribal Council against Clarence, Teresa cast the mystery vote "that upset Lex so much in the beginning." Kimj also says that, according to Teresa, Tom had been lobbying during that time to get Lex Loser voted off. Lex Loser sits with his head in his hands, and we're supposed to think he does so in dismay over Tom's betrayal, but it's more likely his neck is just tired.

Kimj whispers to Ethan about the situation; Ethan is skeptical of Teresa's claims. Kimj would be skeptical too, she says, except that Tom approached her on two different occasions about voting off Lex Loser. In a confessional, Lex Loser says that "Mama Cat" was approached a couple times by Tom, who told her that if she "happened to" vote against Lex Loser in a Tribal Council, it would be fine by Tom. Ominous drumbeat. Tom sleeps with his nose jammed into the ground, and that can't be comfortable! Lex Loser whispers to Ethan that Tom's rationale is that he can't "write the vote [against Lex] down, but if someone else does, that's okay." Lex Loser says that he'll know the facts about the situation tomorrow, because he's going to have a "man to man" discussion with Tom the next day. He's going to "make [Tom] shake on it...on his son's name." What's with all the hand-shaking and accepting of people's "word"? What holds an evil person to a handshake, anyway? Evil person: "I'm going to blow up the world! Mwa! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (But if I shake your hand on it, I would never harm your puppy.)" See what I'm sayin'? In any case, Lex Loser says that if Tom won't shake, then Lex Loser will know the truth, and he gets all "I will always wave my finger in your face" into this -- without the finger-waving, but with the requisite head bobbing. Tom sweetly rubs his face in his sleep, and then Lex Loser says he's worked too hard and he's not that easily going to let himself "get led to slaughter." If there is some fat, happy, cuddly animal in Africa that is prey to hyenas, the editors have missed a chance to show a symbolic feeding clip here. They do show some cape buffalo, a giraffe, and Mofo Maji's calendar.

On Day 37, Lex Loser wants to know what's up with Kimj. She says they're in the same place and nothing's changed -- it's the "same old, same old." Lex Loser examines his fingers as Kimj tells us that it's Day 37, which she claims is "exactly five weeks today" that they've been in Africa. How five weeks exactly equals thirty-seven days, I can't compute. Also, if she's not sure it's exactly five weeks, then why use the word "exactly" in the first place? In any case, she thinks it's been a long time. Long enough, evidently, to forget how many days are in a week. Over cornmeal, the tribe marvels that they've made it to Day 37. In a confessional, Lex Loser tells us that the four remaining members are all surprised they're still in the game. He says he couldn't have imagined the competition would be as crazy as it has turned out to be, and that "it's good, it's bad, it's bitter, it's sweet." Lex Loser and Tom then head off together for some of the "bad" and the "bitter." The Bad and the Embittered. That sounds like the name of a great soap opera...or maybe as a subtitle for The E! True Hollywood Story on the former cast members of 90210. Kimj exclaims that the "men are goin' off to work," and she's happy because there's some more trouble she's managed to help cause without implicating herself. In a confessional Lex Loser says, "Now more then ever, brains are focused on, there anyone tryin' to burn me?"

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