The Final Four: No Regrets

Episode Report Card
admin: B- | Grade It Now!
Fallen Comrats

Peachy now rehashes what's at stake in the vote: a Chevy Avalanche truck, which he says is "the same truck in fact that Lex Loser used to deliver the HIV test kits out to Wamba hospital" (and I think by this he means the same model truck; I do think Lex Loser won the other one -- there's been some confusion about that); the "bragging rights" to the title of Survivor, which Peachy thinks are very important "when you're a Type A like the sixteen of you guys"; and lastly, a million dollars, which Peachy points out is "$900,000 more than the runner-up gets." As he prepares to read the votes, he advises them one last time to remember that "if your name is on the ballot, that is a good thing." It takes four votes to win.

Kimj and Ethan hold hands in Kimj's lap once again. The first vote is Kimj. Oooh! The second vote is for "Eathen." Aah! The third vote is for Kimj. Oooh! The fourth vote is for Ethan. Aah! The fifth vote is for Ethan. Oooh! And then, the winner of Survivor Africa: Ethan! He's instantly on his feet screaming, but don't worry: he'll be shlumped over again very soon. He screams, by the way, like a woman. Ethan and Kimj hug, and her pants are very tight. The camera pulls back to reveal that this is "Live: Los Angeles" for the three very confused people in the viewing audience who hadn't already figured that out. And Tom. Kimj looks earnestly happy for Ethan; or maybe she looks earnestly happy because she's about to make out with Just Peachy. The members of the jury awkwardly hug each other until Peachy summons them to join him, Kimj, and Ethan. More awkwardness ensues as everyone tries to find someone to hug -- even Brandon is hugging Frank. Were Linda on the jury or in the final two, she could organize their efforts.

Bryant Gumbel appears in the corner of the screen and mumbles a bunch of inaudible stuff that most likely begins, "Remind me to fire my agent tomorrow. I can't believe I have this gig, again!" and ends in "one million dollars." He tells us that the S16 will soon arrive, and that it will be the first time they will have all been assembled "since their adventure." Bryant tells us that the S16 will have a lot to say "about the game they played, about the hardships they endured, about the environment they dealt with, and about the way they did and did not connect with each other." He wants us to stay with him, because the Survivor Reunion is straight ahead. And so I will. And so will Mighty Big TV. The recap's on its way!

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