We then get an insultingly lame montage of all the things they left behind. Oh, there's some sand and a chunk of wood! Some canteens on a log. Oh, stop, you're making me sad! A box! Oh shit, I've got tears, Mark, quit it! A denim cap and some shells! Not since Schindler's List...
As they trudge through the forest, we get Sean of all people elucidating on how these two people made it and how they are to be admired. Don't you have some soap opera lines to memorize or something? Gervase says he admires Kelly for keeping under the radar and winning so many challenges.
More sadness at the empty camp. A mask. An umbrella. Is it possible for a group of inanimate objects to win an Emmy?
Rudy says he likes Rich; he's a good leader, smart and the guy who brought the Alliance together. Greg talks about Kelly going through identity crises. Very astute observations. Seriously. I vote Greg as smartest on the island.
The montage continues. Bamboo, more sand. A choir is singing. Honestly. My chairs and my futon start bawling.
Colleen says something very nonsensical. I won't detract from her loveliness by repeating it here. Jenna talks about herself, because that's the focus here, and says she couldn't have been mean and lied. Oh and her turn-ons include walking on public beaches, sad songs and watching The Rose with someone special. Sue says she's got both guns loaded and she's going to fire them at the tribal council. She's ready and waiting to get up there, script memorized. This is going to end badly, I can tell...
The jury walks in to the tribal council. Gervase is wearing a shirt with the number "9" which signifies the number of children he has sired this week. Jeff lists the stakes: One person wins $100,000. The other person wins a Pontiac Aztek (when did that happen?) and a million dollars. Jeff congratulates everybody, even the losers, because everybody's special here. (Pamie, if you're reading this, I'm thinking about the kids. You know what I'm talking about.) ["And you're both going to hell." -- Niki] ["Wait for me!" -- Wing Chun] Jeff says everybody played the game very well. But not as well as Rich. "If we were voting tonight for the sweetest person, you could make a strong case for Sonja, maybe, or Gretchen." He gives senior salutations: Most athletic are Gervase and Joel. Best outdoors person: Greg. "Rich and Kelly are the two people sitting here. Clearly these two played the best. So let's begin the final tribal council." Whew!