At Rowdy Rudy's Diner, Rudy says they've cooked about two hundred pots of rice (all good, yum yum). He's personally lost about twenty-two pounds. If I were those pounds, he would have scared me into disappearing, too. As Sue and Rich pick up some rice (Kelly's not around, so we have to assume she's taking an anti-rice-cruelty stance), Rich says in a confessional that his body is a wreck. His hair is longer than it usually is (although it looks pretty short to me), there's no bicep left and he's lost thirty pounds, but his skin (especially the gut) is all loosy-goosy.
We pan up Kelly's bug-bitten legs as she talks about losing weight and losing muscle. She's also lost a hunk of sanity, she says, but is proud that she's kept her sense of melodrama. It will serve her well on post-Survivor interviews. She also didn't think the contest would be as mental as it was. Um, Kelly. Sean made it to the final five. Sean. Just so we're clear on the mental part: S-E-A-N.
Sue gets the next bit of spotlight as she prattles on about sleeping next to your enemy, eating next to your enemy and just having to treat them civilly. Sue is of course required by the laws of the show to sleep next to Kelly every night, sit down and eat next to Kelly, pop Kelly's pimples, rub mud off Kelly's glistening, wet body and, oh I don't know, think lustily about Kelly and then cry about how Kelly reminds Sue of her long-lost best friend that died, right? Those are the rules, correct? How terrible that must be, Sue, to be forced into doing all that by CBS. You've got my vote, if only in sympathy, dear, tortured woman.
The four last survivors are shown walking in weird slow motion on the beach as a pounding drum keeps a beat going. Yes, this is so Bataan Death March, I get it. Rudy, in voice-over, gets nostalgic about the Alliance. We had it all, he says. We could pick off anybody we wanted. We were mighty, we were powerful, we were young! Well, all except the young part. Now, with the final four, they're all on their own.
Richard is again schoolin' us on how to play the game. He says he was shocked by how few people were planning at the beginning. He reiterates the Outwit, Outplay, Outlast motto as we are shown little flags bearing those very words. Rudy says in a separate voice-over that you have to make an alliance and get people on your side or not even bother to show up. Karaoke works the same way. ["Sing it, Omar! That rival karaoke gang never stood a chance." -- Niki] Kelly talks about how she was in the Alliance and then she didn't want to be in it anymore. Because of her spine. The one that's not there. Sue says that Kelly stopped voting with the Alliance after Gretchen to make herself look good to the mostly Pagong jury. Kelly says she bit off more than she could chew and it all exploded (was it a taste sensation? Was it like Starburst?). Sue says she is annoyed with Kelly's behavior because there was no way we could ever have known that, given Sue's demure demeanor. Sue reveals that she thinks she can win the million dollars with Arrogant Rich by her side (her nickname, not mine) rather than with Kelly by her side (I would have chosen "Klepto Kelly" again, but Sue is a bigger person than me in this one instance). Rich tells his side of the Kelly/Sue debacle; he wouldn't have known that Kelly and Sue were plotting if Sue hadn't said anything. "It's kinda neat, cute, nice that the initial four were the final four," Rich says. But those days are over now. Place your bets. ["We did. Wing and I lost. I'm still bitter." -- Niki]