The Final Four

Episode Report Card
Omar G: A | 1 USERS: A+

After I wipe myself off the floor from my seizure that came from knowing I just saw the best hateful speech ever given on network television, I manage to shake myself awake through some commercials. Oh, man. Did she really just say all that? I go back and read. Yep, she said it. Boy, was I wrong about Sue! Boy, howdy. Color me embarrassed!

Here come closing remarks. Kelly responds, "Sue, I'm sorry you feel that way." She says she could turn the tables around on Sue, but won't. "I hope you vote how you feel," she says. I'm thinking Kelly is toast. Rich says he wouldn't change what he did and hopes they respect that it's what he needed to do to win the game.

Jeff reminds the jury of what the stakes are (carefully plugging the Pontiac Aztek, a proud sponsor of Survivor). Just Peachy says this vote is different because they're voting for someone instead of against. Got that? ["I really had my doubts that every member of the jury did understand that going in. Right, Sean, I was thinking of you." -- Niki]

The vote begins. Gervase holds up "Kelly -- Go Girl." He sticks up for Kelly, saying she played better than anybody else. As for Sue, he says, "In my town, that's what we call a 'sore loser.'" He says it disgusts him and she's foul. He also compares her to the snake and the rat. I've never seen Gervase so bitter. He says he hopes Kelly wins and stuffs it in Sue's face. He beats his chest twice and walks off. Gervase is my lazy, mucho-fathering hero.

Jenna votes for Kelly and gives a touchy-feely speech about how Kelly is sweet and great. No Playboy joke here, unfortunately.

Sean votes for Rich, trying to speak for the jury and the "general sentiment," and cites Kelly for being manipulative and two-faced. He also says "fat naked fag" twice more. Sean, it's time for you to go. Again, fucker.

Colleen votes for Kelly, having changed her vote from Rich because of Kelly's will in the face of Sue. "Rich doesn't need it," she says. Colleen is coming across as a bit tipsy here. But not in a bad way.

Sue votes for Rich. She starts talking some more. Just. Shut. Up.

Rudy votes for Rich. "We had an alliance to the end and I'm fulfillin' my obligation."

Greg sniffs the marker, writes his vote and we cut away before we see it.

Rich complains that he can't breathe. "This has been an amazing experiment, I can't wait to see how it turns out," Jeff says, sounding remarkably like Casey Kasem. After an eternity of consultation with producers, Jeff returns. "There will be one survivor," Jeff says, "And it won't be Christopher Lambert."

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