Survivor
The Final Showdown

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Not So Fast, Studly

Cirie gets up, grins, and declares that it's "hard to follow Courtney." Heh. Cirie's question is that she wants both of them to explain why the other person would deserve to win. Chiclets says that Aras is great and awesome and strong and wonderful; she holds nothing back. Aras talks about how great Chiclets was taking care of his hand, and that rather than worrying about what she was going to say, she helped him. They both did pretty well with that question, quite honestly. Cirie is so free of drama. Lovely person.

And now, Shane. He is wearing what looks like a woman's peasant blouse, which is very distracting, because I keep expecting him to try to sell me a copy of I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings. He tells the final two that he's disappointed that it's them, because Terry deserved to win. Oh, whatever. You would have voted Terry off in a second to get the victory for yourself, you dick. If Terry deserves to win due to his victories in challenges, then tell him he shouldn't lose the last two. Shane says that he will be telling them both why they're undeserving, and he begins by telling Chiclets that she's "useless at camp." He also tells her that he was with her for thirty-three days and doesn't know anything about her. Which...whose fault is that, you know? Shane tells her that she "can't complete a coherent sentence," and declares it "a drag."

Shane then turns to Aras: "We had an agreement on what was most important to both of us -- my son and your yoga." If you didn't see him say it, you will never know how hilarious it was when Shane's voice went suddenly mocking right around the word "yoga" -- which gets finger-quotes -- but believe me, it was hilarious. It was worth watching Shane all season just for that. At any rate, Shane tells Aras, I believe, that his yoga is "laughable and contradictory," because he dishonored it or something. It's very confusing, but Shane's question is YOU SUCK. Shane stresses that they had this agreement, and when it was time to decide, Shane wrote Chiclets's name, and Aras wrote Shane's. Not that Shane didn't tell Terry and Trish and Boston that Aras was to be gotten rid of as soon as Chiclets was gone. Do these people remember that they were videotaped? Shane tells Aras, "You wrecked me, personally." Oh, and then it's about how "young" Aras is, and it seems like he's going to be complimentary, as Shane tells Aras he knows that he's "a good kid" who's "striving to do the right thing," but then Shane says that intentions are nothing. "If I'm judged on my intentions, I'd be president of the planet," Shane declares. I cannot think what kind of an election would motivate that result. Shane says that instead, he's judged by his actions. For some reason, Shane now says to Aras, "You are broke, you are homeless, and you freeload off your dad." So apparently when Shane says "judged by your actions," he means "judged by your financial situation." Which is the same thing, I guess. Shane insists that his reason for pointing this out is, "You don't know what it's like to be judged." Liar. You just said it to embarrass him, which is only one of many reasons why you are ridiculous. Shane tells them that he'd like to abstain from voting entirely, but he can't, so they have to pick a number between one and one million. Aras looks right at Shane and says, "four." Which is pretty much a "fuck off" answer. Chiclets, not as dumb as she looks, picks "ten."

Jeff says that the final two will now have one final shot at making their case. After a commercial, the time for that has come. Chiclets says that she just wanted to come in and be strong and be herself and form good alliances. She say that she played with honesty and integrity (except when she didn't). She tries to tell Shane that she "grew a lot, skill-wise," and he shakes his head, but she moves on. Chiclets says that she thinks she found the right people to align with. She just tells the jury that she wants their votes and the money would really help her. "There you have it," she says. Aras says that he played his best, worked hard in all the challenges, and formed relationships with everyone. He tells Shane that he believed that Shane was out to get him, and promises that their hugs by the fire were all real. Hee hee. He also tells Shane that if he wants to focus on Aras being a homeless freeloader, all he has to do is help him fix that by giving him the money. But he thinks that everyone played their best in the end, so they should vote for whoever they think played better.

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