Survivor

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"Don't Make Me Throw Up On Your Face"

Nothing happened until Day 12 apparently, so we skip to that and the chicken Shambo accidentally let loose around camp. It turns out that they didn't stop hunting for her after the scene we saw, nor did she leave camp. Instead, she's been hanging around and driving Erik crazy. She passes close to camp and Laura tells Erik, who snaps to attention. Then there is a hilarious sequence where they zoom in on Erik and the chicken and Erik prepares for battle while the rest of his tribe watch, quite amused. Erik stalks the chicken with his ass hanging out of his shorts and a large bamboo branch in his hand. He approaches the chicken as awesome suspenseful music plays over chicken sound effects. As the caged chicken looks on in horror, Erik makes a run for the free chicken, who takes off in fast motion. Erik chases her into the woods, but in the end he is unsuccessful. "Man, that chicken's fast," he says; "advantage: chicken. At least this time I didn't clothesline myself." Now why, exactly, did that not make the real show instead of 234,523 interviews with Li'l Russell telling us how awesome he is? Ugh.

Back at joyless Foa Foa, the tribe is huddled in the shelter as it rains. Natalie asks if anyone would quit the game at this point. Li'l Russell says "no way," unable to resist adding "I don't have to be here." He interviews that he's a multi-millionaire oil company owner and his tribe is stupid for thinking he's "this redneck from the South that can't do anything." And how does having money (if that's even true) make him not a redneck from the South who can't do anything? If the last eight years taught us anything, it's that being rich and being a redneck from the South who can't do anything are not mutually exclusive. Anyway, now everyone wants to know what Li'l Russell meant by that, and he slickly gets out of the hole he dug for himself by giggling "I can't tell you!" Smooth, Li'l Russell. Li'l Russell interviews that his entire tribe is stupid and he's not going to tell them that he's rich until the end and they'll never find out before that. Even though he just gave it away by accident. Oh, and then he tells Mick the truth the very next morning. Mick congratulates Li'l Russell on making 1.7 million dollars last year and admits that he's an anesthesiologist. Why does this show have so many anesthesiologists? Why would anyone want to even do that? You study medicine for so long and work so hard so you can put people to sleep during operations? Although I guess it's better than becoming a proctologist. Li'l Russell spins his admission of wealth as a strategic move, saying that Mick will now trust him even more because Li'l Russell opened up to him. And he doesn't think Mick will tell anyone else. Well, that's stupid. Li'l Russell tells Mick that just five years ago he lived in a trailer and lived check-to-check. "That is the American Dream," Mick says. Yes, it's the American Dream not to be able to provide very well for your family until your daddy and brother bail you out by starting an oil tankering business with you. That's not an oil company, by the way -- they just own a bunch of ships and charge real oil companies to transport oil on them. Mick says Li'l Russell's money could be used against him at the end, but so could Mick's earning potential as a doctor. That won't stop him from telling everyone that Li'l Russell is rich if he thinks it'll help his own position in the game, though.

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Survivor

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