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"Don't Make Me Throw Up On Your Face"

Shambo interviews that what just transpired was not a "heart-to-heart." She was just feeling homesick and Laura took advantage of that to try to "play buddy buddy" with Shambo. Yes, because the best way to suck up to someone is to ask them lots of questions about her dead family and then act completely unsympathetic and even say that they're better off dead. Oh my god. "Superficial bullshit," Shambo says. But then it turns into Shambo's Victim Hour, as she talks to Laura about how the girls are "out to get [her]." "I think you're self-paranoid," Laura says. "I don't think I'm paranoid," Shambo says. "I'm telling you, you are. Don't work yourself up into something that's not there," Laura says. Can't this scene just end already? I'm afraid that if I watch Laura for too long I'll turn to stone. But maybe I'm just being "self-paranoid." Shambo says Laura's friendliness is all an act (and not a very good one considering that she was not at all friendly). "Don't make me throw up on your face," Shambo interviews. I'm totally going to say that from now on.

Four days later, Li'l Russell needs more cameratime. He's decided that he's in control of the entire game and Galu is going down for sure, so it's time to look forward in the game and start plotting against his Foa Foa alliancemates. He tells Natalie that he's sure Mick and Jaison will be gunning for her, so she should align with him and Shambo to get rid of them. Natalie interviews that she'll vote however Li'l Russell tells her to because that's worked for her so far. Li'l Russell also wants her to agree that she won't turn against him at the end because she doesn't want to go against him in front of a jury because she thinks he'll get more votes for playing the game better. "That's fine," Natalie says; "it's not worth the money to me to lose my integrity out here." If she actually means that then she's an idiot. Don't go on fucking Survivor if your integrity is important to you. Hell, don't go into "pharmaceutical sales" if your integrity is important to you.

Meanwhile, Monica tries to get Galu back on track after Kelly's shocking ouster. So she goes to Shambo and whines that she wishes Kelly wasn't voted out so Galu could stay together or something. "Well, it's not reality," Shambo says, totally over Monica. Monica says she thinks her best bet in the game is to stick with Galu. Shambo asks if there's a Galu to stick with, since Erik and Kelly are gone and Shambo is clearly not one of them. Monica whines that she can't trust anyone on Foa Foa, though. "Drop the bull about Galu loyalty, cause there is none. It's Puff the Magic Frickin' Dragon, okay?" Shambo says. "But why, Shambo, why? Why does it have to be that way?" Monica whines. Are these people really hungry or something? Why are they so stupid and annoying? "Because you guys chose to vote for Galu before Foa Foa," Shambo says. "That was different, though," Monica whines. She calls Erik "fake purple," saying he only helped Galu win challenges because it helped himself. Uh ... yeah, Monica. That's what you all should have been doing. Not you, though, I guess, since you sucked at most of the challenges. Shambo gets worked up and refers to herself in the third person, saying that Laura is just as "fake purple" as Erik for trying to plot to get Shambo voted out. "There is no fake, there is no real. It's Survivor," Shambo says. I guess she knows this better than Monica because she probably actually auditioned to be on this show while Monica was probably recruited and has never seen an episode in her life.

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