The First Exile

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
Banished! Stand Over There!

Austin attempts to build the fire and has some trouble, leading him to wonder aloud whether they just don't know how to do it, and whether everyone watching will be muttering, "Those four jackasses." Well, not for this. Maybe they just didn't hold their hands near each other long enough. He goes on to interview that the tribe has pretty much proved itself to be completely incompetent, what with the inability to make fire and the very poor shelter they're in the process of building. They can't hear the unmistakable "boing!" on the soundtrack that demonstrates their incompetence, but if they could, I think they'd feel even worse. Their shelter appears, for its part, to consist of some sticks kind of leaning on a tree, and then some leaves kind of piled on the sticks. That shelter not only will not withstand rain, that shelter will not withstand a light breeze. I'm not sure that shelter can stand up to the rotation of the earth. "We wouldn't want to peak the first night," Nick says dryly. Heh. They decide to hope it won't rain. Hey, what are the odds?

And now, the three Younger Women who have actually made it to camp. Courtney, who is listed as a "Fire Dancer," says that they started off a little bit poorly today by losing the first challenge and having no fire as a result. Meaning that she can't dance. There are also only three of them, and none of them have shelter-building experience. So there's that. She explains that they also were indecisive about where to put their shelter, because they were "being women." Or possibly Fire Dancers. Sally -- a social worker who happens to be from the fine city of Duluth, Minnesota -- tells us that she found the whole business of wandering around looking for a place for the shelter kind of lame. She thinks that if you find a place you like, you stop and build. Of course, where she lives, if you remain outdoors for more than ten minutes uninterrupted, your nose hairs freeze and snap off, and that impedes your body's ability to screen out mites, dust, and other people's dandruff. So: bad.

As they wander, Courtney finds yet another distraction, which is a dead sea turtle on the beach. She explains that she thought it was "ironic" that the turtle was dead, since turtles represent life and mothers and things. It turns out that she is referring to various cultural traditions in which turtles are holy. The only problem with this is that it basically makes the death of any turtle inherently ironic, and I'm not sure the idea of irony can bear up under that kind of strain. I think the death of a turtle can only be ironic if it, for instance, dies as a result of moving too quickly. That's a little ironic. At any rate, Courtney draws a heart in the sand around the turtle, and I do think irony definitely cannot co-exist with the drawing of hearts around dead things. Sally says that she can't really fake interest in the turtle stuff, because it's stupid and she's not crazy. Danielle agrees in an interview that the tribe should be focusing on things like food and shelter, and not on Courtney's great brilliant launching of Operation Turtle Roll. Among other things, you can always do that tomorrow. The turtle is dead, and therefore will still be there. It isn't going anywhere, even more than most turtles aren't.

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