Survivor

Episode Report Card
Sara M: D | 2 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
March Badness

Hilariously, Taj interviews that her strategy is to be really, really nice. Either she abandoned that strategy pretty quickly in the game or she thinks that yelling at everyone and storming off right before Tribal Council is nice. Taj adds that her tribe is probably underestimating her because she "looks" fat. She claims that she's muscular, not fat. We get a shot of Taj's back, and, yes, it's muscular. But come on. We've all seen Taj's gut. She isn't morbidly obese by any means, but she's not all muscle, either. Which is a good thing in this game. I never understand why women come on this show looking stick-thin. How stupid. I'd rather win a million dollars and keep up my strength by carb-loading before starting the game and looking kind of fat on TV than lose weight to look good on TV but then have no fat reserves to fuel my body and get voted out for being weak. Taj predicts that she'll dominate in the challenges. With that, Jalapeño arrives at their campsite and come together for a group hug that shows off more of Taj's back muscle.

Even though Tempura struggled a whole lot more than Jalapeño when it came to finding camp, we skip right to the morning of Day 2 for them. Brendan attempts to boy scout a fire, but is just as unsuccessful as everyone else who has ever tried to start a fire with a piece of wood and string. With no way to cook the beans Douche's eyes told them to bring to camp (apparently, Douche's eyes can tell people what to do, but they cannot shoot lasers to start fires so they are just as useless as every other part of Douche), Tempura looks for alternate sources of food. Tyson attempts to net some minnows using a burlap sack, but has no luck. Douche gives it a try and actually manages to catch a minnow. He feeds it to Debbie, who flails a lot. She interviews that eating live fish is "definitely not in [her] character" as if it's in anyone else's. While Douche and Tyson catch tiny fish that probably waste more protein to eat than they provide, Jerry makes himself useful and finds a whole bunch of edible root-looking things. Tyson tells us what they're called, but I didn't catch it. Anyway, it's some kind of Brazilian fruit and it's not very good. It's powdery and dries out your mouth. Sierra demonstrates by putting some in her mouth and making all kinds of faces as she attempts to chew it. Tyson winces as he tries some, and Jerry chews before shaking his head with an "uh uh." Tyson continues that it's all they have to eat out here, so it must be "God's candy." "Thanks, God," he says, not sounding very thankful.

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Survivor

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