Episode Report Card
Sara M: D | 2 USERS: B
March Badness

And then nothing interesting happened for the next four days, as we suddenly go directly to Day 7 and Camp JalapeƱo, whose fire has gone out. Stephen tries to light a new one with the flint while Sandy and Joe laze around in their freshly-won comfort item chairs. Despite their armchair fire quarterbacking, Stephen has no luck starting a fire. And you know how guitar players can get "guitar face?" Well, Stephen gets "fire-starting face." It's unfortunate. Sydney watches from the shelter and interviews that Stephen was determined to start the fire since he's never done it before and has probably watched this show enough times to know that the ability to make a fire could come in very handy. Sydney claims that Stephen couldn't even make a spark, and then we see him make several sparks. None of them turn into a fire, but still. Stop lying, Sydney! Stephen rates his wilderness skills as 1. On a scale of 1 to 100. With 100 being the best. Finally, he hands the flint and machete to J.T., whose luck isn't much better. That's when Sydney reveals that she actually has quite a few wilderness living skills thanks to a childhood of fishing trips with Dad. Speaking of dads, mine felt bad when he read my recap last week and saw where I wrote that he never let me win at any games as a child, not even Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur. He wants everyone to know that he's sorry about that. This week, he can call to apologize for never taking me on any fishing trips. The only survival skill he gave me is that you can rub dock leaf on nettle stings to make the pain go away. But that's only useful in England, so who cares? Sydney takes over fire-starting from Joe and gets one going, much to everyone's surprise. It's so amazing, in fact, that it gets a magical musical flourish and everything! Stephen interviews that Sydney is more than just a pretty face. She's also a "woodland goddess." Can we just have Stephen narrate the rest of this season? He's great. He adds that this only makes her more of a threat.

Over at Tempura, Tyson is weird. In an interview, he laughs when asked who he is and then we see him doing a bunch of wacky things around camp, most of them involving a lack of clothing. His tribemates laugh and laugh at his crazy naked antics, especially Debbie. She interviews that Tyson "never ceases to amaze" her. Tyson never starts to amaze me, so Debbie and I are different. Tyson does a booty dance for Candace and Debbie, which actually is amazing, but only because it's supposed to be Day 7 and Candace was voted out on Day 6. Did she sneak back to camp? Is she a ghost? It's a mystery! Debbie thinks Tyson could win this game. I really hope not. With that, she makes Douche insanely jealous by having a fake fistfight with Tyson.

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