Episode Report Card
Sara M: D | 2 USERS: B
March Badness

We get recycled footage of an alligator eating a fish and then it's Day 13 at Tempura. Tyson and Douche go for a walk that Douche calls a "power meeting." Every single alligator shot this show has ever managed to record plays before we actually see said power meeting, where Douche proposes that Erinn should be voted out ASAP "because she's a cancer." Tyson dares to disagree, saying they can use Erinn for votes. Douche doesn't trust Erinn, which is more why he wants her gone than her alleged cancerness. Douche interviews that he and Tyson talk about who to vote off every day, not like that comes in very handy when people like Jerry just give up. Douche gives Tyson his special "man-to-man" promise that he'll never vote him out. Tyson starts to say the same, but Douche continues that Tyson is the most popular guy in the tribe and probably the entire game somehow. So he wouldn't try to vote him out anyway, just because it would turn everyone against him. Way to put your ass on the line there, Douche. Douche says that he himself seems to "ruffle people's feathers," showing a surprising if small amount of self-awareness. He doesn't understand why Tyson gets laughs for saying something, but when Douche says the same thing, "everybody's like 'whoooa! That was wrong!'" As someone who also often gets the "whoooa! That was wrong!" I can almost sympathize, but I'm pretty sure people respond negatively to Douche's condescending tone rather than because he's saying things that are inappropriate, which is usually the case for me. I may be a bit socially inept, but at least I'm not a socially inept asshole. Tyson and Douche have a moment of fear when they hear a noise and think it's someone listening to them, but the editors want us to believe it's just a nearby alligator. With that, Douche orders Tyson to "get the cotton" while he goes to the bathroom. Thanks for the update, Douche. Also, cotton? What? Are they picking cotton and weaving it on a homemade loom for clothes or something? Tyson interviews that he's happy to go along with whatever Douche says for now, but he also knows that he's a much better player than Douche.

Meanwhile at Jalapeño, Stephen and J.T. are having a power meeting of their own. Since they aren't self-deluded jerks, however, they don't call it that. J.T. interviews that he likes getting to know Stephen, especially since they probably wouldn't have ever met or been friends were it not for this show. Which is pretty much the same thing Stephen said about him. And yet, when two different people get together on other reality shows, like Wife Swap, for example, it always seems to go so horribly wrong. J.T. concludes that he and Stephen "will always be friends now." Awww. I hope Stephen doesn't screw poor naïve J.T. over. Stephen interviews that J.T. has a "sweet Southern drawl and the charming smile," but he's aware that J.T. might not be entirely trustworthy. J.T. and Stephen do some more planning for the merge, but I don't really speak Sweet Southern Drawl so it's hard to understand what J.T. is saying. I think they want to be in the Final Three together, although I have no idea who they want for the third person. Am I crazy or is Stephen getting more attractive as the rugged manly stubble comes in?

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