Survivor
The Gods Are Angry

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Thongs, Schlongs, and Happy Songs

Last week on Survivor, Silas was the key at Samburu. Boran continued its losing streak, and Jessie went back to Orlando to put on some Chapstick.

Mark Burnett makes squeaky animal noises outside Boran's tent on Night 6. He then starts roaring. Clarence and Kelly are the tribe's sentries, and I'm amazed that Boran actually took this mandate -- having two people awake at all times -- seriously. Kelly points out what she thinks is a lion, but what is more likely Mark Burnett making animal shadows on the tent wall with his hands and a flashlight. Clarence tells us in a confessional, "We got wild Africa." Kelly then attempts to use her manipulation skills against the lion by yelling, "Go away!" Apparently, it's not as stupid an act as it seems -- my Africa expert friends say noise-making is a good deterrent to wild animals. Clarence and Kelly are also rattling cans. At my parent's house, we rattle cans at my sister's basset hound Clancie so that she will stop stealing SPAM off the kitchen table. In a confessional, Clarence is face-painted Hamburgler-style. Beanburgler-style would be more appropriate, but there's no costume for that. He tells us they could hear the lions making a wheezing sound outside. (Note to Mark Burnett: give the asthmatic cameraman a raise.) Clarence and Kelly converse over the fact that the lions are right outside their perimeter. Lex tells us in a confessional that they all went into Survivor knowing it would be real, just not "quite that real." We then see Lex manically feeding the fire which the tribe had for some reason -- sheer stupidity, most likely -- allowed to dwindle to almost nothing. Ethan says his "worst fear in the world, like, is getting startled out of [his] sleep by a roar." Tom tells us in a confessional that it was all he could do to keep from running, but there was nowhere to go. Kimj is also yelling at the lions to go away. Ethan counts the lions and concludes that they must be circling the camp. The tribe deduces that there are at least two lions stalking them, and probably more. Clarence says, "If you're approached by an animal, don't run, and hopefully everything will be all right." "Hopefully" is not much consolation. He then says, "You're not gonna beat a beast," but we know that's not true, because they defeated Diane two weeks ago. The tribe discusses its plight, and concludes that no one knows what to do if a lion "started scraping at the fence." Scary lion shot!

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