The Gods Are Angry

Episode Report Card
Joanna: C+ | Grade It Now!
Thongs, Schlongs, and Happy Songs

At Boran, they fetch the reward challenge clue, a snippet of which reads as follows: "Gather no moss as you roll this stone." Bad, bad, so very bad. Apparently, they can't "do it alone." Yada yada yada "clean water and shampoo." For once, a tribe actually deduces from the clue that they'll be "rolling a stone." Silas tells us "it's nice to win," but how would he know?

The tribes arrive at the challenge, and Samburu hugs each other. The members of Boran, meanwhile, stand at least an arm's length away from each other. There are two big fake-looking boulders that appear to be spray-painted red and gold, and Peachy announces that each tribe's goal is to navigate its boulder along a course and to its "final resting spot." Will there be a sacred ceremony accompanying this? They are playing for a hundred gallons of water -- which is a pretty sweet prize if you ask me, which you did just by reading this recap -- and some "organic shampoo." Because the "organic" part really matters. A hundred gallons of water, it turns out, is enough for each member of the tribe to drink a gallon a day until the merge. Peachy then hams it up by drinking out of the spigot to demonstrate that the water is "very clean, very fresh." And very annoying. Samburu needs to sit out two members. It doesn't seem fair that they get to pick their two abstaining members (as opposed to their random selection), but I suppose that's their advantage as the winning tribe. Kimp and Brandon sit out, and the boulder-rolling commences. Peachy runs in front of the boulders as they careen without control across the landscape, and it's like watching a bad horror movie. Why wouldn't he run beside them? Or behind them? He's obviously trying to ensure face-time in front of the camera. Boran is in the lead from the start. At one point, Samburu catches up, and rolls its boulder over Kimj and Kelly. They pretty much brush it off, which reinforces for me the likelihood that these are not real boulders. Even if they're not real, they're still exhausting to push, and the tribes look very tired. Samburu loses control of its boulder, and Peachy yells at them that they need to go through the course flags as if they intentionally rolled their boulder way off-course. Eventually, Silas ends up rolling Samburu's boulder by himself, while the others just try to keep up with him. He really is Superman! That is, until he loses the boulder and it goes rolling into the brush. Peachy yells again for the team to "stay in control." Brandon looks at Kimp and says, "Uh oh. That ain't good." Hee. Kimp claps for some reason. Boran wins, which isn't that suspenseful since they've been ahead the entire time. I was impressed by the fact that Samburu hustles to finish regardless of the fact that they've already lost. Boran celebrates; Tom dry heaves and then wet heaves. Peachy tells Boran that they'll have the water in camp by the next morning. I'd be really irritated because I'd want that water now.

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