Survivor
The Gods Are Angry

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Thongs, Schlongs, and Happy Songs

La la la la la. Boran. Kimj has stripped down to her thong and struts about camp. Thongs are a difficult thing, I think, and she looks amazing for a grandmother. Lex says, "Look at that -- fifty six years old and nothing but 100% woman. Wuh. Man!" Tom announces, "We got a black man with white tighties on; got a big fat man with a flag wavin'; we got two little skinny men with flags runnin' around; woman in her thong there; we got a young lady shakin' bacon up there," and "if that don't stop the plane, I wanna talk to the pilot." Okay, this may be one of my favorite Survivor quotes ever, excluding -- of course -- everything Rudy ever said. Kelly and Kimj then talk about how great the men on their team are, and at this point I kind of agree with them.

Suddenly we're on the plane with Peachy, who is accompanied by an experienced rescue pilot and jumpmaster. Their job is to determine which of the tribes' distress signals would be most visible in a real rescue scenario. The plane will drop a crate with the Immunity Idol in it over the camp of the winning tribe.

As the plane approaches Samburu, Frank attempts to rally the tribe, and Lindsey responds under her breath, "Oh, Frank, drop dead." She's not doing anything to help Samburu's efforts in the challenge. Frank is using some kind of mirror to catch the sun and cast light; the other members are running around with flags. The jumpmaster says their signal is a problem because it looks like every other community in the bush and thus might not be noticed as anything unusual. The plane then flies over Boran, and it's instantly obvious that their signal is superior even without the happy music playing. Their site has lots of colors; the lettering of the "SOS" is distinct and enclosed; and the tribe members are running around half-naked and with colorful towels. How could you miss that? All they need is a float and they could headline the PRIDE parade. The jumpmaster commends Boran on their use of color and terrain. The use of thongs and ass feathers? Not so much. Clarence, by the way, is visually stunning. As the crate drops over Boran, Samburu realizes that they lost and gets pouty about it. Linda says, "I believe in a lot of spirits out here, and I believe that our idol will not live in a home of conflict." Linda bugs the crap out of me. ["I agree with every fiber of my being." -- Wing Chun]

On Day 9, Lindsey feels better, but plans to spend her time resting in the shade. She tells us she was dehydrated and talks about her "sore kidneys." This ailment sounds like the equivalent of Nick's inflamed tastebud in the Outback. She tells us she'll be "cognizant," in the future, of her water intake. Silas tells us that Lindsey's injury was a victory for Oldskool. We then see Frank make his now-infamous comment that "Barbie went down in Africa." He tells us in a confessional, "I have no flexibility. If you're excess baggage, get the hell out of my way." Comments such as these are exactly the ticket to get picked for a reality show. Samburu packs up its belongings and heads off to Tribal Council. Kimp tells us they're so disjointed as a tribe they they're each thinking there won't be any harm in voting someone off.

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