Survivor
The Great White Shark Hunter

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Okay, Three Isn't A Totally Magic Number

...Koror, Day 16. Tom is doing crunches on the beach. Because he is Tom, and he is awesome, and what if he got all weak-ass and girly while he was living off the land and doing daily challenges and beating fish to death with his bare hands? It would certainly occur to me to be all "Marry me, Tom," but he's really much too good for me. Out in the water, Ian emerges with a gigantic clam, saying, "We're having steak tonight, baby." The tribe is grateful as he clunks it down on the beach. Katie tells us it was a very, very big clam that Ian produced, and no, that is not a euphemism. The tribe pries the clam open. Ian is already half-laughing in an interview in which he says that he was pretty happy with himself for continuing at this point to be the "provider" for the team, so you can tell that's going to be short-lived. The team stands around eating pieces of clam, and it does appear that they're awfully glad to have Ian the Purveyor of Seafood on the squad. I suppose I would be, too, because there is only so much coconut a person can eat before she turns into a bottle of Coppertone suntan oil. Ian estimates that they probably had six or seven pounds of meat total, so everyone in the group was well-fed. He further exposits that they then put the shell out on the beach, and there was a bit of blood still oozing out of it, so they were all hanging around by their big table when they noticed...a shark. Because sharks love blood, as you may have heard if you read a lot of clichés. Indeed, again, this little shark has come right up to dance against the edge of the water, which I really did not know that sharks did. Ian and Gregg grab a couple of improvised spears that they have handy and head out to see what they can do. And Coby looks on, ready to mock them for their inevitable failures. As he does, because sitting around in your undies making fun of people who are actually trying to stuff is the most fun you can have, pretty much. (I know it sounds like I'm criticizing him, but I actually agree with that.)

Meanwhile, Tom picks up the machete. Ah, Tom. He walks down the beach a bit. We then see that Ian has cut his foot, so he's sitting down and examining the wound with Gregg's help, so they're somewhat out of commission for the moment. And Tom runs a bit down the beach, unfortunately getting away from his camera guys, I guess. Because we do not see it directly, but the next news is that Tom is whooping and hollering, because...he caught them a shark. "How'd you get it?" Gregg asks in shock as he runs toward Tom. "I hit it with the machete and cut it in half," Tom says, chuckling and excited and hardly able to believe it himself. They admire the still-flopping but certainly hurting shark, which I hope they will put out of its misery fairly quickly. Right now, though, they're just so amused by what Tom has done that they can only high-five and be amazed. Gregg comments in an interview that prevailing in hand-to-hand combat with a shark -- even a small one -- was pretty remarkable, especially for "a city boy from New York." Well, no kidding. "He's a madman," Gregg says admiringly. I agree. And, hot. Have I mentioned I have no defense against that demographic?

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