Survivor

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It is Finished
small twigs for firewood. "He's so full of it," she says. Erinn interviews that Douche is obviously not as broken down as he claims and she's ready to see him go. She and Taj have already figured out that Douche didn't want medical to look at his back because they'd say it was fine.

Meanwhile, J.T. and Douche sit by the water. Douche says they had a "classic struggle" and asks J.T. how much longer he could've gone. J.T. says another half hour. Douche launches into yet another stupid speech about how iron sharpens iron in an interview. He waves his buff around like he always does and says he was "honored" by his defeat or whatever. Meanwhile, if any Samurai are watching, please shoot me an email and let me know if it's honorable to cry after losing an epic battle. I'm betting it isn't. J.T. says he and Stephen want Erinn out tonight because of what she said to Douche. Douche interviews that Erinn's comment was "unforgivable" and it's her time to go home. Isn't it funny how every young woman on Douche's tribe, from Candace to Erinn, has managed to say something "unforgivable" about Douche? Douche tells J.T. that "a lot of [his] bravado" is just him trying to prop himself up and say he's "still kind of the man," which is a glimmer of self awareness. Stephen walks down and agrees that he wants Erinn to go next because what she said to Douche really made him angry. When she went to Exile, people were nice to her and no one tried to kick her when she was down. What she said to Douche was "tasteless and classless." But also true. So true. Stephen interviews that he and J.T. told Douche that Erinn was going home, and while J.T. intends to vote for Erinn, Stephen isn't sure who he's voting for yet. Douche asks the guys again if they're voting for Erinn, saying he's done with surprises. Douche interviews that his Warrior Alliance is going strong and he's surrounded himself with strong players. Strong players like Stephen, who can't cross a balance beam, and J.T., who only won immunity challenges once every single man with any kind of muscle mass (and Debbie) were safely out of the game. Douche says that with Erinn going home tonight, he'll be the last remaining member of Tempura, which is pretty much his fault for fracturing his tribe so much that a three-person minority tribe could take it down.

The contestants arrive at Tribal. Douche is still toting his stupid stick around. The jury arrives, and what is the deal with Tyson and his insistence on wearing little girl's clothes? It's creepy. Probst talks to Douche first, recapping that when he was chosen to go to Exile, he did his "big thing," as Probst calls it, about how he was going to forgo food and water and fire. Erinn didn't like that. "I didn't," Erinn says. She says that it rubbed her the wrong way and minimized everyone else's Exile experiences. Probst asks if Erinn was thinking of her stay on Exile, which was one of the toughest, and didn't appreciate Douche trying to upstage her with his drama. "Oh god, yeah," Erinn says, adding that her time on Exile sucked and was the worst thing she's ever done. And for Douche to act like that's something fun also sucked. Erinn is still cool, but she might need to work on expanding her vocabulary. Probst asks Douche how he feels about what Erinn just said. Douche would rather talk about himself, though, saying that everyone who's been to Exile had it worse than he did because of his extensive past experience in that kind of situation. What, in being alone? I'll bet he knows a lot about that. Then he starts talking about men dropping pebbles and I stopped paying attention again. Douche says he has nothing left to say, then talks a whole lot more, quoting Mark Twain and whoever else has a quotation in his copy of Bartlett's.

Probst asks Erinn if she's feeling secure tonight. Erinn says she never feels secure, and whoever is going home tonight will probably be surprised. Douche, on the other hand, doesn't think it'll be a surprise. "Based on what?" Probst asks. "Women have great intuition," Douche says. Taj is looking very confused right now. So is Erinn. So is Debbie, but that's how she always looks. "So you're saying it's already been said tonight if we listened?" Probst asks. "Yes," Douche says. Meanwhile, J.T., Stephen, and Taj didn't even get a chance to speak and it's time for the vote. Oh, wait. "One more thing," Douche says, prompting a tremendous eye-roll from Sierra. And then, oh Christ. Douche wrote a poem for everyone to hear.

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Survivor

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