The Merge

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B- | Grade It Now!
Will you please be quiet, please?

As proof that Mark Burnett is a fucker, we find out that the Ogakor tribe, after receiving the "there has been an accident at the Kucha camp" announcement, was never told what happened. They've just been sitting around wondering, and why ever would Mark Burnett do that to them except because, as I explained earlier, he's a fucker? Someone took the time to calligraphy the announcement on parchment paper but no one could bother to stop by to tell them that the injured Kucha member was okay? Colby tells us it "seem[s] like there's at least nineteen to twenty hours of daylight" because the days run so long. Lamber unconvincingly says she hopes whoever was evacuated will be able to return. She can wish that Mike is one hundred percent healthy all she wants, but wishing for his return is like wishing to lose a million dollars. Colby says the worst part about the situation "is waiting around for information." Tina then says it's like waiting around for a phone call from the hospital when they say, "Oh, we've got him here but can't tell you what's wrong." Do you think those kinds of phone calls happen often? Jerri wonders aloud if Rodger had a stroke and Tina gasps and says, "Jerri!" as if Jerri caused the stroke to happen and wasn't just speculating about it, and also as Tina hadn't already thought about that possibility. Colby again tells us that they don't know anything about the merger or Kucha's injured member, and also that they don't "know very much at all," which would still be true if they had a hundred-page analysis of the forthcoming merger and Mike's medical charts.

Lamber run-walks to get the clue, wearing a supportive shirt this time. The clue says it's "Boys Night Out," and Lamber, in her weird Beaver accent, talks it through to her tribe and determines that the Ogakor men will head to Kucha while the women remain behind and cook dinner for the visiting Kucha tribe members. Actually, the clue explicitly says that, but Lamber feels the need to talk it out anyway. Jerri immediately perks up and says, "Should we make a --" and we all know "tortilla" is the next word, but the others just ignore her and her voice tapers out. Hee. Keith and Colby party like it's 1999 and Colby says he'd "better iron a shirt!" They keep saying "life is good" and that it's going to be a "night on the town." Keith explains what "the merge" is to us in case we've been living in a bomb shelter for the past year and a half. Colby asks Tina if she's going to catch "the kids" some fish while they're gone. Really, Jerri is not that much younger than Tina. Thirty my ass. Tina tells us that she's not sure how they'll decide which camp to inhabit. Keith tells us he hopes they'll get "a real great take on the guys in their tribe and where things lie." Tina further proves the excess strategizing going on this season when she tells us that it's important for them to get information now about who has had votes cast against them because they know it's coming down to a 5-5 tie. Colby then says they have to be "totally silent" on who has had any votes. Jerri says, "We have a lot at stake," but we know she means "I" because she has votes. Looking very haggard in a confessional she tells us that if Kucha targets her or Keith, Ogakor will be done for. I'm not seeing the problem.

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