Survivor
Survivor

Episode Report Card
Joanna: B+ | 750 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Merger Day Massacre

Around the Rattana campfire, Jenna mumbles something like, "Less than one hundred feet away and I've got this girl laid out and like across the back seat and something something and it was like incredible." Idiot Seanvant is frothing at the mouth so I think it's sex talk. Kelly is really happy to find out that Gretchen nearly killed herself when she was fourteen by drinking a fifth of whiskey in two minutes. Greg manically tells us it's like a banquet and maybe they're smoking that rattan instead of building furniture with it. Sean tells the group that he left a two-on-one opportunity because he was "scared out of [his] mind." As Talking Rudy Doll stomps off, pull the string and he says, "Blah! Some of the stuff they talk about don't interest me and I don't wanna hear it. I dunno. They talk about a lot of sex stuff." Inside the rained-in tent while the new tribe sleeps, Talking Rudy Doll mumbles, "Everybody's hands all over me," and Gretchen says, "Damn, Rudy!" and then it's morning. Gretchen is frustrated because it rained and they just came from a decent shelter and now they're in a new place. As he scratches his back with the knife, Talking Rudy Doll says, "I was in there last night and, uh, when the rain came all them women seized down my way and I had about five women in my lap all of a sudden." Colleen and Jenna both say they got kicked in the head by Talking Rudy Doll. Gretchen tells us that Talking Rudy Doll said, "Well, this is my space," when she told him he kicked her in the head. Talking Rudy Doll keeps on coming with the zingers: "Hey! I'm the old guy, don't forget. The young guys might've liked it. But it's a pain in the ass to me."

Gretchen find a clue in a bottle and reads aloud, "Just take a deep breath and don't come up for air," and follows with the rest of the poem, but the first part is all that matters. Richard exercises his considerable brain power by concluding, "I'm guessin' it's a holding-your-breath competition."

At Snake Island, the Rattana tribe is lined up on a dock like they're chillin' at the MTV Beach House. Peachy introduces an "immunity talisman," which means no votes can be cast against its wearer. In the first round of this week's challenge, the S10 hold their breath underwater, and the last three to surface move on to the next round. They all giggle and laugh when they get in the water, because swimming is really funny when you live on an island. Peachy begins the contest and I immediately know Jenna's a goner because she's holding her nose. There's a bar under water to help keep them submerged and most of them have their arms roped through the bar and crossed over their chests. Idiot Seanvant looks around and tries to find something to count. Kelly comes up first, then Jenna, then Colleen, then Sue, then Gretchen. They all start giggling and laughing because holding one's breath is comic gold. Rudy takes off his goggles, looks around to make sure all the women are gone, and surfaces. The four remaining just look around at each other and Richard nonchalantly examines his fingernails and then floats to the surface. Sean makes eye contact with Gervase and gives him a big encouraging grin. He then grabs Greg's hand, points at himself, and motions upward as he releases the bar. Greg realizes there's only two of them left and that three win, motions like, "whatever, dude" and emerges. Gervase hams it up, counting legs of the surfaced survivors, and finally comes up, ecstatic. I think he forgot about the second part of the challenge since there was little reason for him to exert further energy by staying under for so long. Just Peachy tells us that the final round is also about holding your breath, but "adding speed." At the bottom of the ocean floor are horizontal ladders with buoys attached; the three finalists crawl along the ladder, yanking off the buoys, and the first one to the end wins. Gervase appears to have learned to swim by now, but he still clings to his buoy at the starting point which makes for fairly comic effect since putting pressure on something buoyant that floats just makes it bob even more so he's floating and bobbing all over the place. As the contest starts, Gervase can't even submerge himself and rises to the surface, and that's it for him. Sean and Greg crawl along the ladders neck and neck, both looking like sleek panthers or something. Greg barely beats Sean, who handles the defeat gracefully. Greg puts on the necklace and preens.

Survivor

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