The Sole Surviving All-Star

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
The Triumph Of The Waif

We return on the last night, where the moon hangs in the sky, coaxing Rob and Amber to Do It For Mark Burnett. As they make their way back to camp, Amber talks rapturously about how great it's been to spend all this time with a guy who makes her feel "happy," but also "completely safe." She certainly is all about the safety thing, it would appear. She also talks about how Rob makes her feel "important" and "proud of [her]self." I wonder whether he has any actual, you know, qualities that she enjoys, or whether it's all just about how safe and important he makes her feel. Because for that, you could just get a sycophantic security guard, really. On the beach in night vision, Rob and Amber snuggle. She's grating on me more and more, I must say. She talks in an interview about how she and Rob started out in an alliance, and that there was strategic flirting, and that now there are feeeeelings and everything. Their relationship is just like Pinocchio, now it's a real live boy, blah blah blah. "I'm so glad that that was my strategy in the beginning," she says, "because, look what I ended up with." Interestingly enough, she's trying to be all endearing, and I kind of want to punch her in the face.

As they sit, Rob tells Amber that they've gotten themselves as far as they could, and now it's up to the jury. They drink from coconuts. He interviews that the two of them have successfully been a team, even when they were separated. "In a game where trust is fleeting, to have a partnership with someone -- an alliance with someone that you can trust? That's huge." He happily tells Amber at the fire that everyone who thought they were just flirting and fooling around never saw it coming that they were playing the game, too -- and as much as I kinda dig him, I think he's wrong. I think everybody knew they were playing. They just didn't do anything because they continually told themselves there was still time. Rob says, sadly prophetically, "They're all going to hate us."

The next morning, Rob and Amber take pictures of themselves. "You look dirty," she says as she looks at one of the pictures. Bomp-chicka...never mind. She says it's a huge relief to be done with the game and the scheming, and now they're sitting back and relaxing. They sit on a big rock together, sort of all half-entwined. "I'm completely at peace right now, you know that?" he says. "Me too," she agrees. "I feel one hundred percent relaxed." They take some more pictures, and she interviews that they're "taking in every last moment." Yes, yes, we get it. You loooove each other. You. Him. A million babies. I got it. He goes into the water and retrieves a fish after consulting with her about which kind of fish she likes better. As he cleans the fish, Rob interviews, "I don't know how I ever made it without Rupert out he-ah. Who would've known I could actually fish and clean 'em and cook 'em and fend for myself?" In a separate interview, Rob demonstrates that he is not quite the doofus he sometimes appears to be by pointing out that he has repeatedly compared the game to Darwin's principle of "survival of the fittest." And admittedly, it's not so significant that he can bust out that particular sound bite, but then he says, "The species that's best able to adapt to certain situations will outlive the others." And that's a better explanation than your average doofus would be capable of, I would maintain. He says that as a team, he and Amber were "most able to adapt" to what came up. Amber interviews that of course, the jury conversation that night will be very important, and she really hopes they won't make her say why they should pick her over Rob. Oh, suck it up, dear. I think you can manage. Rob interviews that this time, the jury is made up of people who know him, and he's pretty sure that some of them took the game "very, very personal [sic]." He adds that "that's their own frickin' problem," which is true in the sense that it makes them idiots, but false in the sense that if you don't win, you don't win, so it kind of is your problem. That's the thing about this game -- it often puts your fate in the hands of a bunch of jealous brats, and how much you want to indulge their shit so they'll vote for you is probably one of the few things about it that legitimately does involve your character.

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