Anyway, Kathy whimpers for a while longer about how Rob took advantage of his friends, and blah dee blah. "I think you could have taken a parallel course," she weeps. "Where these people wouldn't have been left...in carnage." Yes. Kathy said "carnage." And why are they in carnage? Because they didn't win. And if only Rob had taken a different path, other people (Jenna and Rupert, for instance) would have been in carnage, which, according to the Kathyworld Guide to Morality, would have been much, much better. She stresses that Rob had another path. On which, I guess, he could have gone to the final two with Kathy AND Lex. Hmm. I sense a flaw in that plan. Where is it, where is it...? Finally, Kathy shuts up, and not a moment too soon.
Rupert gets up and says, "That's an emotional one to follow." According to post-game gossip, they gave these speeches in order of their booting, so Rupert is actually talking about Big Tom's speech, which isn't surprising. He starts off with a surprisingly human comment -- relatively speaking -- in which he congratulates Rob and Amber on their victory and thanks them for carrying his hairy ass to the F4. He asks Amber why she should get his vote. Amber says that she played as hard as she could, taking advantage of her second shot as well as she could. Rupert directs the same question to Rob -- why should Rupert vote for him? "Because you're a man of your word," Rob says with a grin. "That's why you should give me your vote." Yep, played that one right. The only answer to that question from Rupert is, "Because you, oh great one, are such a wonderful person." Of course, Rupert laughs the Animal-the-Muppet laugh, and the bile rises in my throat.
Alicia is the next to go. Finally, she can stand up so she doesn't have to perch her boobs in that weird way. She proceeds to give Rob and Amber a lecture about "the lowest standard of play," which, according to her, is "butt-kissing and ego-stroking." Pure, unadulterated jealousy pours out of Alicia's mouth as she complains that Rob and Amber were just giant butt-kissers, like, who had a fucking alliance with them, dear? You did. As many before her have done, Alicia is using her questioning of the jury to explain why she was too good a person to make it to the final two. It's the "I wouldn't have done what you did to win anyway," known to eight-year-olds everywhere as, "Well, I let you win." As it turns out, Alicia was just disgusted by the sucking up and so forth. "Now, you may have outwitted us, outplayed us, and outlasted us, but you have not outclassed us," she declares. Well...now they have, dummy. ["Also, I didn't see 'outclass' on any banners, so who gives a shit?" -- Wing Chun] Alicia says that she's going to ask her question, and that she wants a one-word answer. How do they think they played the game. "Competitively," Rob says. "With luck," Amber says, and that's...not one word, sweetie, but you came closer than I thought you would without counting on your fingers.