The Sole Surviving All-Star

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
The Triumph Of The Waif

Time to vote. Jenna goes first. She says she thinks Rob and Amber should both "step up and be proud" of what they did, because they beat everybody. She reveals her vote -- for Boston Rob. Alicia votes, and she gets all up in the camera's face, being way too satisfied with herself for keeping her "I will never write your name down" promise to Rob. If she had delivered that line with any subtlety at all, it would have been a little bit funny, but she does it with such a "SNAP! IN YOUR FACE!" thing going on that she essentially steps all over the potential for humor. I am shocked at the depth with which I came to despise some of these people, and some of them got much, much worse close to the end -- Alicia included. What an ass she came off as, just in these last couple of episodes. It's sad, because seriously, these people are done being famous. This is their last chance to make an impression, and this is the one Alicia wants to leave? Whatever.

Big Tom votes. "Rob, I thought of you as a brother," he says with great sadness. Because he wasn't at all going to roast Rob over a spit as soon as the merge happened. I'm not sure I'd want to be Big Tom's brother. Tom specifically says that as to voting Rob off, it "never once crossed [Tom's] mind." Which we now know to be a complete, unadulterated lie. Way to go, ass. I'm sure no one will ever find out about your pact with Lex. In fact, in his voting remarks, Tom has the nerve to suggest that when Rob finds out the truth, he'll call and apologize. Hm. I think somebody might need to do that, Big Tom, but I don't think it's going to be Rob.

Kathy votes for Rob, talking about how "friendship rules," so she wants him to have the million because she still loves their friendship. And because she has to prove that she's a good person. Better than anyone! Better than all of them!

Jeff goes and gets the votes. When he returns, he gives the blah blah blah we'll open the votes when we get back home and so forth. And then he takes off for his helicopter. Bye, Jeff! Jeff flies back to New York, and apparently decides that a good thing to do would be to hang out of the side of the chopper rather than doing a pansy-ass thing like keeping his hands and arms inside at all times so that he doesn't die. They try to duplicate the death-defying swoop of the opening episode of the season, but it doesn't really work that well. Suffice it to say that they get Jeff on the ground, and that he makes his way into Madison Square Garden and down the aisle to the stage at last. "What's goin' on, New York?" he asks. New York doesn't answer, except by going, "Woooo!" They're so standoffish there. "Let's get to this! Let's do it!" The crowd whoops and hollers.

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