The Sole Surviving All-Star

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
The Triumph Of The Waif

The first vote goes to Rob. Second to Rupert. Third to Rupert. And...fourth to Rupert. So Jenna did the only sensible thing and put herself into F3. Rupert gets up. Jenna looks unhappily at the ground. Rupert shakes Rob's hand. He shakes Jenna's hand, and then she hops up to give him a hug. "It's part of the game," he mutters to her. And he'll be sticking with that attitude for about three minutes. Alicia makes a face, because...well, never mind. If you try to figure out why Alicia makes faces during this episode, you will have no time for anything else. Amber kisses Rupert's hand. And then, I dearly hope, she goes and takes a big drink from a gallon jug of hand sanitizer. Rupert's torch is snuffed. SNUFF. Bug off, jackass. I've had enough of you. In fact, I've had too much of you. Jeff tells the last three that they've all survived another vote, and that they can go back to camp.

Rupert's parting words are predictably silly. "I am a little angry at Jenna. Greed won out over friendship. Almost disgusted me. There's not one person in this game that can say I lied to them, that I played conniving. I did my best; I honestly had a very, very good experience with Survivor All-Stars." Wow. So greed won out over friendship, huh? This from a guy who stared into a camera and called this "young girl" a "pain in the ass." Apparently, their friendship was so abiding that she should have screwed herself to protect him, even though he was plotting to boot her not a week before this happened. Oy. Even the thoroughly obnoxious Lex doesn't have quite Rupert's head-shaking, disappointed-daddy way of acting like other people's failure to be as noble and perfect as he is just breaks his big, fuzzy heart. Bleh. Go. Away.

Later, the moon hangs over night-vision camp as Rob, Amber, and Jenna ponder their fates. Jenna tells them that as much as she loves Rupert, she ultimately wasn't able to gamble on rocks drawn out of a bag. ["Yes! Because she's sensible! And because the person who goes should be the person who gets voted out by his or her teammates, not just someone who has bad luck in lotteries! That's exactly why there hasn't been a tie in this game since the rock bag turned into the tiebreaker, Rupert! Good lord." -- Wing Chun] Rob tells Jenna that he respects the fact that she made the decision on her own, whatever it was. Of course, as is always the case when people praise a decision "whatever it was," the decision happened to go the way he wanted. Pure coincidence, obviously. Apparently, it's early in the morning as opposed to late at night, because here comes Boatload-O-Jeff again. He comes up on the beach and asks them what they're all doing up already. They tell him that, as the F3, they find sleeping a little difficult. Jeff tells them that in keeping with the overblown quasi-ceremonial quality that always accompanies the end of the season, this will be a big day. They will get in a canoe and follow a map to an area where there are body paints and jewelry used by a tribe of Indians. They'll get all dolled up, and then they'll take off on the Walk of Dead Survivors, which is always a highlight, provided you like pretend respect. ["I call this moment 'Snack Time.'" -- Wing Chun]

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