Survivor
Survivor

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Joanna: B- | 511 USERS: C+
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Mr. Sleeze

It's now Day 35 at Chuay Gahn, and a snake slithers and hisses. Brian hits a good golf shot, and Jan congratulates him. Helen and Ted wade in from the water. Where are they coming from that the others don't notice them until they're practically on shore? Did they completely miss seeing the boat, or did Helen and Ted wade in from a different island? In which case, how shallow is that water, anyway? Brian notes that Ted and Helen smell good even from a distance, and Ted attempts the whole "Merry Christmas" routine that Clay and Brian did a couple episodes back, but no one picks up on it this time. Instead, the others inquire about the trip, and Ted says it was the "worst massage ever of [his] life," and Helen lies that the food was "terrible." She cleans up real nice, and looks a bit like a snaggletoothed Karen Allen. In an interview, Helen reveals that leaving camp always brings about the suspicion that other people might be talking. She says it's easy to become paranoid, and that she's trying to avoid getting into "that quagmire." Personally, I would avoid getting into any quagmire, but then again, bogs and swamps and such don't particularly appeal to me.

Ted finally gives up the whole Santa suspense and reveals that he's brought back a bottle of wine. Jan immediately grabs it, stuffing it into her sports bra with the announcement that "it fits perfectly!" Sadly, she doesn't use the occasion to say "clavage" again. Brian jokes that he's been "very naughty," so Ted hands over a bottle of wine; actually, it looks like they each get their own bottle of wine, which isn't such a bad deal. Helen shovels food out of the canteen into a pan, and Clay can't wait to taste it. In bending over to do so, he gets his very own gratuitous ass shot, proving that the ass shots are equal-opportunity on this show. Helen is quick to point out the "chicken cashew" and "spicy beef," because of course she knows exactly what the dishes are called and, probably, what's in them. The tribe feasts, while Helen and Ted bask in their appreciation. Ted looks particularly happy, and tells us in an interview that he felt envy and jealousy from Clay, but it didn't and doesn't matter.

Survivor

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