Next week on Survivor, Peachy stands ceremoniously in the jungle and orders us again to "gather the family," but I'm not falling for it this time. Jan celebrates something, and Clay's not talking about twenty dollars. The cameraman tries out a new fishbowl lens on Peachy, but it doesn't make him look any taller.
Peachy also tells us that the reunion show will have "no singin' and dancing" this time around. Did he just bust on Rosie? No he di-in't!
As the credits roll, we see that Ted cast the solitary vote for Jan. He tells us that it's been long and wonderful, and he's blessed to have made it so far. Although he would have loved to win, he did Survivor to show his child that "nothing beats a failure but a try." Aw. Poor, naïve, earnest Big Teddy leaves me momentarily snarkless.