The Tides Are Turning

Episode Report Card
Joanna: C+ | Grade It Now!
Mr. Sleeze

A picnic table and umbrella in the sun await Ted and Helen, and then the camera pans over to reveal a tent with a bed and blankets and pillows. They walk toward the table hand in hand, and seem particularly excited about the two Thai women who greet them. Ted coos over having "hostesses," and Helen adds, "And look at their nice, clean clothes!" Ted and Helen are informed that they'll be treated to dinner, a shower, and a massage, and Ted attempts to say something in Thai that the women clearly don't understand but pretend to because they're polite. And, presumably, getting a hefty paycheck.

It's time for the requisite pig-out shots, and Helen and Ted are more than happy to oblige. They don't even sit down before tearing into the food with their hands and making the usual orgasmic noises. In an interview, a clearly post-shower Helen tells us that it was nice to have a prepared meal -- particularly one that didn't consist of mussels, clams, crabs, and leaves. They've also received several bottles of wine, and Ted tells us in an interview that neither he nor Helen drinks. Helen proclaims, "I think we need to celebrate!" and Ted explains that they decided to indulge because it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. They toast each other and Ted immediately cringes from the taste while Helen exclaims that it's good. Ted loads up his plate while Helen names each dish. She advises Ted to pace himself, and then he tells us in an interview that he fixed his portion as if he was "the old Ted -- 310-lb. Ted." He thought, "I could knock this out with no problem," but was amazed to become full quickly. Ted gets up, jumps around, rubs his belly, and begs "please, please," in the hopes of making more room for food, while Helen and the two Thai women look on in bemusement. Helen berates Ted for wasting room in his tummy with rice (which happens to be my attitude toward vegetables), and says she's disappointed in Ted for not being able to eat more.

Back at camp, a fish-like creature scoots in the sand, looking ominously like the snakefish we Marylanders battled several months back. Clay is pissed off because he hates losing; in an interview he tells us he's envious and wishes he had won. Brian berates himself: "Me and my big mouth," and clueless Jan asks what he did. Exasperated, Brian snits, "I said the answer!" He then explains that he "just misspelled it," and no one takes the opportunity to ask how he could possibly misspel the words "road" and "trip." ["I guess you can become a porn star with only a first-grade education." -- Wing Chun] Brian walks off pointing in the air and grumbling to himself as if still trying to figure out what went wrong. In an interview, Brian complains that Ted didn't thank him, and should have. He whines, "Anybody that gives you something for free...all I wanted was, 'Hey, thanks, appreciate it.'"

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