Survivor
The Tides Are Turning

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Mr. Sleeze

Now the tribemates are discussing the earlier sandy conversation between Ted and Helen. Jan says she overheard them because they thought she was asleep; Clay adds, "You know I saw that writin' in the dirt over there!" Brian doesn't think there is an alliance, and believes that Helen is "down with what needs to be done."

Ted, meanwhile, is down with the drinking, and we see him shitmouth Helen to "pass that wine!" Being careful to enunciate every word, he tells Helen that Clay is "outta here," and that she needs to work on Jan. He insists that she'll get pressure from Brian and Clay, and will need to be quiet in her machinations, but that they will eventually get Clay out along with "his lazy behind." He pauses and says, "So anyway, I forgot where I was." Hee.

As Helen attempts to take a peaceful shower, Ted has moved onto the "and disorderly" stage of his drunkenness. He yells an inquiry about how it feels, and she responds that it's "heaven." Ted then screams, "Hey! I'm not drunk. Am I drunk?" A few seconds of silence follow before he yells, "Hey, Helen?" Upon her "What?," Ted responds in the immortal words of drunken people everywhere: "I love you." In a measured voice, Helen tells Ted she loves him too, and can't say what the reward means to her.

Some time later, as a toweled Helen walks away from the shower, Ted bellows in the background demanding a "preview" of the massage and wanting to know if it's his turn yet. Helen makes her way into the hut and peaceful music plays in the background as she gets her feet massaged. Actually, it looks more like the masseuse is kicking her, but I'll assume it feels good. Ted's shower-happy shrieking pierces the silence, and we see and hear a gleeful Ted exclaiming, "Oohh, aaaaah, ooooh, yeah! Boy! Yeah, dog! Oh, hey! Did I tell you how good this feels? Oh my gosh. Oh, oooh!" Ted is getting down with his bad self in the shower, and it's hysterical. Even an annoyed Helen giggles. Ted then brushes his teeth -- although "brushing his teeth, lips, chin, and palate" is more appropriate -- as he posits, "Now I’m assuming this shoeshine stuff is a toothbrush." He makes "mmmm, mmmm" sounds over the toothpaste. When he asks again if the massage is good, Helen responds with a far less enthusiastic "Heaven, Ted." In an interview, she doubts Ted remembers the evening, and says he got silly just like drunk people usually do. She tells us it wasn't her reward, though, and "being the polite guest that [she] was," she let him enjoy the night.

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