Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
Debbie Does Dumbass
d they haven't seen each other in weeks. On the other, she's dirty and has been without soap and toilet paper for a long time. To really turn her husband on, Taj shows off her bug bites, but all Football Star Eddie George can see is the weight she lost. "She looks great!" he says. I love that his name text calls him "Eddie George" while everyone else's loved one usually just gets a first name or no name at all. He says she's dirty and doesn't smell too great, but there's something about her wild look that turns him on.

The rest of Forza return to camp, and there are the loved ones! Debbie runs into her husband's arms and all but mounts him. Erinn hugs her dad, but not with the same leg-wrapping intensity of Debbie, of course. Stephen hugs his brother, and J.T. hugs his little sister and totally starts to cry. Awww! Stephen's brother looks nothing like Stephen, and Stephen tearfully interviews that their hug was one of the closest and warmest hugs they've ever had. J.T. says seeing his little sister was "huge" and gives her Douche's immunity necklace to try on, which Douche won't appreciate one bit. Warriors don't share. "It looks nice on you," J.T. says, all awkward older brother. Stephen's brother begs Stephen not to eat him. Heh. Erinn shows her father around the camp and interviews that he wasn't used to seeing his usually dressed-up girly-girl daughter roughing it in the outdoors.

And then there's Douche. I was terrified when I realized that it was family visit time (I'd forgotten all about it) and that I'd have to actually meet a member of Douche's family. I was afraid for nothing, as Douche's "loved one" turns out to be one of his assistant coaches. I wonder what the story is there, but I'll bet it has a sad ending. Maybe he thought having the assistant coach visit would really cement his role as a coach to the rest of his tribe. Or maybe his family can't stand him any more than I can. It makes me feel sorry for Douche, even when he tells his assistant coach that his tribemates call him "the dragonslayer." As we all know, only Douche calls himself that. But he probably thinks that everyone else does, too. I don't think I can hate Douche anymore. It's not right to blame a crazy person for things he can't help. "I'm running this freaking show, let me tell you that right now!" he says; "I think I'm gonna be in the Final Two." Assistant Douche mutters something and then Douche interviews that if he was given the choice between filet mignon and seeing his Assistant Douche for ten minutes, he'd choose the ten minutes. Okay, but what if the choice was between a ten minute visit and pizza? Oh, and what will Douche and Assistant Douche be doing with their together time? Stretches and back re-alignments that Douche makes sure to tell the camera are not "weird sexual positions." I'd rather have people think I was homosexual than so pathetic that the only people I could convince to come out and visit me were my employees.

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