The Ultimate Shock

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 1 USERS: A+

"I never intended on going back on Tom," Ian says. "I never intended it." Which isn't really true, based on the confessionals, but again, the kid is playing, and I don't begrudge him that. Jeff now wants to discuss everyone's faces. "Tom looks angry, Katie looks hurt, and Jenn looks delighted." A-Jenn grins. She insists that she's just happy that it "stirred up some things that needed to be out." Because all she really wants is for everyone to be honest and true, and she just thinks people should know what really went on, ta-dum-dum-dum. Oh, barf. Jeff asks Katie why she's so hurt, and Katie gives a totally hilarious explanation of how Ian is all about Tom, Tom, Tom, and why isn't he thinking about her, huh? What about how she feels? What about her, Ian, huh? Katie turns to Ian himself to say that Tom seems pretty unhappy and might vote against Ian. Ian assumes that this means he would go; Katie says that's not necessarily true. In that case -- you guessed it -- it will be all about Katie's vote! That's right, as it turns out, the feud going on between Tom and Ian just serves to make Katie more critical than she already was, if such a thing is possible. "I just have one question for you," Katie tells Ian. "Have you lied to me in the last twenty-four hours?" In other words, she wants to know whether he lied to her when he said he'd vote out Tom. "No," Ian finally answers, knowing he's in trouble but not having a good way out. Because if everyone knows what's being asked, there's certainly no right answer to that question.

And now, it's time to vote. The voting goes on, and then Jeff goes to get the vote box for, like, the 150th time. Seriously. If we showed one-minute segments of Jeff doing nothing but reading votes on this show, you could be here for two and a half hours, because this show has been on since before you were born, doing exactly the same things every week. It was here before your parents were born. This show actually came over on the Mayflower, although at that time, they started out with four hundred castaways, hoping that they would still have two standing at the end after everyone else died of scurvy. You know, it occurs to me that if you were on Survivor long enough, you could actually get scurvy. Can you tell I hate recapping voting segments?

Anyway, the first vote goes to Ian. Second one to Jenn. Third one to Ian. Ian's eyes widen as he leans forward to make sure it doesn't read "JEN [sic]," and I think he knows that's Tom's handwriting and he is truly stunned that Tom actually went through with trying to vote Ian off. Fourth vote is for Jenn. So now, we have a tie, and we will have a re-vote involving Katie and Tom. If they don't change their votes, there will be a tiebreaker. Katie votes. Tom votes. It's all so very tense. Jeff goes to "tally" the two votes. Don't hurt yourself, precious. When he returns, there for Jenn, and one for Ian. So that didn't help very much. As it turns out, Jenn and Ian are going to engage in exactly the same fire-building tiebreaker that Steph and Bobby Jon took part in earlier this season.

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