Survivor
The Underdogs

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No One Told Me There'd Be Bean Salad!

Rob finds the key in an early coconut-smashing attempt; he and Zoe tag John and Robert, who quickly head for their canoe. John is all ready to paddle and then realizes that he doesn't actually have a paddle; it's still on shore in Zoe's hand. He runs back to retrieve it, and then he and Robert are back in the canoe with Neleh and Paschal still nowhere in sight. John counts off, "Ready. One, two..." as he and Robert prepare to lift the canoe into the water, but he picks up on the "two," which is definitely a sign of bad things to come. He and Robert then apparently decide to take a short cut to their flag by paddling the circumference of the island, as opposed to the more obvious straight line; seriously, first they're paddling parallel to the shore, and then they're paddling backward. Zoe looks on and asks, "Where're they goin'? Gina and Kathy, by this time, have reached their boat. John, meanwhile, snits to Robert, "Steer, steer. I'm rowing, you steer!" Miraculously, Robert does not lift his paddle and conk John over the head with it. Kathy and Gina have no such problems, and it's a straight shot to their tribe's flag. Back on shore, Neleh is excited, because winning is GOOD! Tammy, Sean, and Rob hold hands and probably pray. It's neck and neck as the teams return to shore, and Peachy keeps yelling, "Pull it to your chains! Pull it to your chains!" Gina and Kathy are out of their boat first and take off for the tiki. Suddenly, Neleh is screaming for them to get their flag, because they've left it on the boat. Kathy returns to the boat to get the flag, as John passes her with his flag, places it on his tiki, and Rotwo wins!

Except not.

Maraanu instantly begins complaining because Robert wasn't with John at the finish line. Gina points out the problem, and Kathy furiously repeats, "Rob wasn't here!" She's pissed! Peachy tells Rotwo to "hold up," because "Maraamu's protesting." It turns out that even if Robert had been there, Rotwo would still have been disqualified. Peachy explains that the canoes needed to be in reach of their chain, and demonstrates that while Maraanu's chain reaches, Rotwo's chain does not, in addition to which, "The General was not at the tiki." That sentence alone, I think, sums up the ridiculousness of this game. It sounds like a poorly translated phrase, or something you'd see some ninety-year-old grandmother in Japan cluelessly wearing on a t-shirt. Peachy apologizes for speaking too soon, and proclaims, "Rotu, you do not win. Maraamu wins." Kathy begins waving the Maraanu flag, while John, Tammy, and Robert look livid, and Sean cries in the canoe. ["Rotu are such poor losers." -- Wing Chun] Paschal, meanwhile, slips the immunity idol some tongue.

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Survivor

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