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Former Federal Stepchild?
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Unlike when Kristina was sent to Redemption Island last week and we saw nothing of her time there, tonight we open on Krista's arrival at Redemption Island. She and Matt greet each other, and Matt's shelter is clearly nicer than anything the other contestants get. It has walls and a lantern and everything! Krista is happy to be with someone positive and not a member of Zapato, and Matt starts in with the God talk. Krista doesn't really respond to that, choosing instead to tell Matt that she plans on beating him tomorrow. Matt interviews that Krista is a "firecracker" who "means business," and they exchange blonde jokes.

The next morning, Stephanie sits by herself while the rest of her tribe stand around thinking about how nice it will be when they get to vote her ass out. Steve is a little unnerved about being voted for by Stephanie and Krista last night, interviewing that it was a "cold slap of reality." Oh. I guess he just realized that he is playing Survivor and has just as much of a chance of being voted out as anyone else. Except for Rob, of course, who the producers will make damn sure won't be going anywhere until the merge. At least. Steve asks Stephanie why she voted for him, and she says it wasn't personal; she just wanted to vote out the weakest person on the tribe. She interviews that she was trying to be "delicate" with her words to Steve, as she has now finally realized, much too late, that she shouldn't run her mouth off and bash people to their faces. Now her plan is to be nice to everyone so he won't vote her out. That is a great plan, albeit implemented about 14 days too late. Steve stupidly assigns weight to Stephanie's comments and says that he's just going to have to "dig deeper" and do more in challenges. He then says that Stephanie and Krista were "stupid" to vote for him last night, and tells Stephanie the same thing, calling it "another poor move" from her. Stephanie delicately tells him she didn't ask for his opinion, nor does she really care about it. Good job getting on your tribe's good side, there, Steph.

Over at Onomatopoeia, while Phillip collects firewood, Natalie and Ashley decide to have another beach day. I've gone on plenty of beach days, and not one of them included someone using a pair of rusty scissors to cut my armpit hair. But that is how Natalie and Ashley spend their beach days, so we get to see it. In HD. Thanks for that, Survivor. Ashley has the gall to proudly state that while everyone else works hard around camp, they are lying around doing nothing. Even Andrea is doing something, Ashley says, although she's only "pretending" to help. Yeah, well, pretending to help is a lot better than obviously not helping. Ashley excuses her laziness by saying she "worked hard all [her] life." First of all, she's like 25. Second of all, her definition of "worked hard" is playing basketball and being in beauty pageants. Seriously, that's what she said. I can't decide if I hate Ashley with all my heart, or love her for being more self-deluded than Phillip.

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