Survivor

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Former Federal Stepchild?

Stephanie agrees, saying "it's good to have a positive attitude." Well, if she isn't completely blowing smoke up Steve's ass, then if nothing else at least she learned a valuable life lesson that might help her after her tribe votes her hateful ass out of there at the first available opportunity. Steve says he tries to "believe in people" until he gets "stomped on," which is definitely a good character trait to have in this game. Suckers usually make it really far in Survivor. Stephanie then gets a little bit clever and says she actually wanted to write down Sarita's name, but thought it would have been too risky to do so. Steve says he actually agrees with that, and that Stephanie is stronger all around than Sarita. Stephanie is encouraged by this, and says she's hoping to impress her tribe by kicking ass in the next immunity challenge and showing them that they're better off having her around than Sarita. She'd better hope the challenge doesn't favor people with toothaches or a love of big hats, then.

The tribes arrive at the challenge. Probst decides to ask the tribes how they feel about each other before getting down to business, asking Mike if there's any inter-tribal animosity. Mike says a bunch of bland stuff about how both tribes want and need to win today. Duh. Boring. This gives Probst a chance to ask Phillip which animal tattoo he will be embodying in today's challenge. "Both!" Phillip says without hesitation. "Both!" Probst repeats, eyes bulging. He asks Steve if Phillip's use of both the gorilla and the lion worries him. Steve is not worried; he slaps his hand on his forearm and says "BOOM! Forearm." I don't even know what's going on anymore. These people are ridiculous. At least Probst is having fun. He describes the challenge: two members of each tribe will use a giant slingshot to launch balls towards their tribemates, who must catch them in large nets. It doesn't matter which tribe's ball you catch, and the first tribe to get five catches wins immunity and a field trip to some pretty location with a nice view and a picnic lunch. Probst asks who Zapato is sitting out. Sarita raises her hand, and Probst comments that they didn't even have to think about it. Um, maybe they discussed this before the challenge, Probst? Stop hating on Sarita just because she voted out your little pet Russell.

The tribes take their places. Stephanie and David will launch the balls for Zapato and Natalie and Phillip will do so for Onomatopoeia. Way to channel the gorilla and the lion into ... uh ... pulling a rubber band back and releasing, Phillip. The rest of the contestants are lined up at various points on the beach, one from each tribe. That means Grant and Mike are facing off against each other, Rob against Steve, Andrea against Julie, and Ralph against Ashley. Probst wets his pants with excitement over the Grant ("'the NFL player!") and Mike ("the Marine!") match up. Sucks to be Steve, the ignored NFL player! The first round of balls are launched. Now, if Stephanie is smart and can aim well, she's going to go for Ralph every single time, right? Since he's paired up with a woman, while Mike and Steve are up against strong men? But no, she goes for Julie. Which would have been my second choice, so, not bad. Anyway, Julie misses. Natalie aims right for Grant, of course, and he catches it easily.

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Survivor

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