Survivor

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Sierra A-Leone

Debbie and her admittedly remarkable 46-year-old ass talk to Douche. She's upset about being blindsided last night and Tyson going home and only just now realizing that J.T., Stephen, and Taj might have a stronger alliance than Douche's stupid little Warrior Alliance that includes absolutely no warriors. Not even J.T., really, since he chose pizza over immunity last week. Debbie says that if Sierra and Erinn are the next two to go, that'll put Debbie and Douche against the three former JalapeƱo members, which is the kind of math she should have been doing like six days ago. Hilariously, Debbie thinks that the JalapeƱos would take her out before Douche, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about what Debbie thinks of Douche's ability to play this game. Also, she's absolutely right. Debbie interviews that you have to "work your people" all the time in this game. Except that she only has one other person, and he thinks he was almost killed by a tribe of short Amazonian Indians for his delicious asshole. Good luck, Debbie. Debbie angrily says she doesn't want fifth place in this game and Douche shouldn't want fourth place. "I know," Douche mutters. He asks who they can align with to prevent this, suggesting the four former Tempuras. Debbie thinks that's their only chance, saying otherwise they'll be "sitting ducks." Speaking of fowl, Debbie seems to have forgotten the part where she counted her chickens before they hatched and treated Sierra like shit. How delicious this should be!

It's time for the reward challenge where you have to answer questions about each other in order to reveal alliances and people's places on the totem pole. For every correct answer, the contestants will have a chance to chop a rope holding a hammer over a ceramic idol representing a player. Three chops will drop the hammer and take the player out of the game. And yes, like in previous seasons, each player's idol has been painted to look like the player it belongs to, which means someone had to study Douche's stupid shirt and then paint little stupid white designs all over the idol's shoulders. Hopefully there's a Chess King in Tocantins so he could buy a version of the shirt to study. The players fill out their surveys and Probst tells them what they're playing for: a visit to a natural spring that Probst says is "unlike anything you've experienced before" and a feast at some random family's house. I hope they chose a family of good cooks. The winner also gets to pick who will go to Exile Island.

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Survivor

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