They Came At Us With Spears

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
For The Lava God, Here We Go Again

Jeff tells the castaways that in order to stay, they'll have to participate in The Ritual. Wait, it's baby-eating, isn't it? I'll bet it is. He tells them that it will "impact each of [them] differently." It is! It's totally baby-eating. "At times, you may find it beautiful." Yep, that cinches it. "At times, you may be repulsed." Well, maybe not. Because, who could be repulsed by baby-eating? Jeff promises that a "real chief" will preside over the ritual, and tells them that the tribes take the ceremony seriously, and that they should remember their manners. Just because people eat babies, that doesn't make them bad.

Jeff sends the castaways off in the canoes toward the land. Bookkeeper Mia says that she was nervous about what this was going to turn into after hearing Jeff's somewhat ominous description. (She didn't think of baby-eating, I'll bet.) There is climbing into boats. Bob Barker Shirt Guy, whose name is Travis, tells us that he was just thrilled with the part about climbing into the canoe, because he only learned to swim six weeks ago. (Or, as he says it, "six weeks a-fore I come here," which pretty much tells you what you need to know about his manner.) And in fact, Travis and his group manage to tip their canoe and go into the drink. But they all live. Whew! The tribes sing to the castaways as they head toward the shore. Well, that's nice. Leann the Equity Research Assistant talks about how overwhelming it was when they were paddled into a larger circle of boats and then toward land. "I was moved to tears," she says. Mm-hmm. Moved. To. Tears.

The castaways land on the sand, and from a group of small houses, folks run out and start screaming. And they have spears. So that's not so comforting. Indeed, "There was a bunch of tribesmen running with spears!" exposits John P. the sales manager, saying he wasn't sure whether they were expected to defend themselves or not. Unsure of what to do when confronted with a bunch of angry people with pointy things, the castaways stand motionless. Rory, a black guy who's a housing case manager, says that he was the only one who didn't get a spear in the face. "I took that as, you know, a black man coming on the island isn't particularly unwelcome," he smiles. The singing and dancing starts up again, and Eliza the law student tells us that some guys showed up in big shaggy "jungle dresses" (well, close enough) and started pulling people out of line with sticks and prodding them forward. She noticed, because she is smart, that they sorted the women to one side and the men to the other. She also notes that the men all got to sit on little stumps, while the women had to kneel on a mat. Hmm.

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