They Came At Us With Spears

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
For The Lava God, Here We Go Again

Anyway, the guys celebrate, and Travis has some kind of comment about how it abruptly started raining "like pouring pee out of a boot onto a flat rock." Wha-huh? Whatever. Maybe this is as much sense as Tom would have made if I had been able to understand the actual words coming out of his mouth. A frightening thought. And one that makes me miss Tom's old "Aaahhverrnafeeefernuttin" way of talking. The guys have prevailed. And now, finally, Jeff comes out to divide the teams and get this stupid thing underway already. He tells the men that they will remain as the Lopevi tribe, while the women will remain together as the Yasur tribe. Chris the construction worker says that he was glad it was men against women, because eight guys are much easier to fool than eight women. "Women stick together," he says with suspicion. "They're thick as thieves. Men are deceiving, mischievous [he says "mis-chee-vee-us"], untrusting human beings." Blah blah blah. "Men, I can manipulate," he announces. Twila, a highway repair worker, says that she looked around at the other women and wondered what exactly she had gotten herself into. She noticed that there seemed to be some fairly prissy women, and some who looked like they'd never gotten dirty in their lives. Heh. Yep.

Jeff says, as the rain soaks him, that the next thing on their plates is to find their tribal beaches. They'll have no maps and no fire. They'll find it, he can promise, "a long, dark, wet walk." And waiting for them at camp? Machete, pot, map to water. Because once again, the All-Stars ruined it for everyone. Actually, they ruined everything for everyone. Jeff sends the men in one direction and the women in another, and they're gone, in the truly pounding rain. If that rain is real, somebody up there really likes Burnett, because it's quite a dramatic exit. Mia notes in an interview that the women basically got nothing out of the ceremony; didn't get to do anything, didn't participate. So they're "out for blood now," not that I really see the connection. "That ceremony was meaningless to me! I will fight to the death!"

This season's scene-transition icon is the volcano, so we see a shower of sparks fly into the air as the (women's) Yasur tribe walks in search of its beach. They're making their way along a very wet and slippery area, holding hands as if they like each other and are all going to be best friends. Scout, a rancher who's obviously been ranching for a lot of years, takes a tumble, and then she starts to advocate just "hunker[ing] down" and waiting for light rather than trying to get to camp, because the conditions are so poor. She tells us that while she hasn't let anyone know yet, she's got an artificial knee, so she tries to be pretty cautious when she's confronted with bad terrain for walking. She and a couple of the other women call out to the rest, asking how they feel about just stopping for the night. Eliza says that they "almost insisted,", they didn't, really. When the women all get together, Scout tells them that among other things, she feels unsure that they're headed in the right direction, but she's perfectly okay with having the rest of them go on ahead and she'll just stay back. Leann interviews that they wound up unable to make a decision about it, and that she was kind of concerned that they'd already overshot the camp in the dark.

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