They Came At Us With Spears

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
For The Lava God, Here We Go Again

Volcano! And here is the Yasur tribe, arriving at its camp. They also clump up and pretend to be friends. Eliza claims that the conflict went away as soon as they got to the flag. Which...not. But they do have a team cheer, just in case anyone in the group is dumb enough to be fooled by phony camaraderie. "Okay, now what?" comes a voice, and everyone laughs. Because that's what they're all thinking.

Okay, that was too much time spent in night-vision, which makes it even harder to identify people when I've barely figured out who they are, so I am happy to see the arrival of morning. We find Scout, Mia, LeAnn, and Twila working on the shelter, while some of the others have a morning bath/chat session. Scout notes in an interview that indeed, some of the girls are spending their morning "chitty-chatting" rather than working. I certainly hope they're all planning on sleeping on the unprotected sand if they're going to be such lazy-asses. I also like how the music geniuses throw in this Club Med theme as we swing down to observe the chitty-chat party, in case you don't fully notice how it's one big lazyfest down there. Just the music will make you want to lie down and have a piña colada. The chitty-chatters are, among other things, apparently rubbing sand all over their faces to stay clean. That'll be great, right up until the point where they rub themselves raw. Scout, in a separate interview, says that she "call[s] these sorority girls 'bowheads.'" I don't entirely get that, but I like it. She adds that back in Oklahoma, that's the word for these women who move in groups, "like cattle." Snerk. "They're their favorite topic," she adds. She's getting voted off really, really soon, but she's funny. Don't get me wrong -- I'm tired of the Old Grizzled Women versus Young Pretty Women dynamic, and I was tired of it five minutes into the Amazon season, but "bowheads" is a word I might have to hang on to.

The Bowheads -- who include Eliza, Dolly, and some others I can't identify yet -- sit around on the beach while Eliza tells them that she thinks there's no point in trying to make fire from rubbing sticks together. I guess she believes that to just be an urban legend. Scout interviews that Eliza "talks nonstop," and this appears to be true. Some discontented Bowhead takes note of the fact that some of the others are working on the shelter, and they all make clear that they kind of resent it, which is almost too brilliant to be true. But it is true. Eliza interviews, fairly indignantly, actually, that Twila's "continuous work has made those of us who have taken reasonable breaks look bad in her mind." Read that sentence again. See how it makes no sense? There's no such thing as my behavior making you look my eyes. Eliza is upset because Twila is showing Eliza's lazy ass up, and Eliza could at least admit as much. We then move to Twila, who growls (no, really, growls), "We got too much chattin' and not enough movin'. The mouths are workin', but the hands ain't." Hee. Twila adds that some of the ones who didn't work are the same ones who complained last night about being cold. "Get off ya ass, get it done, or don't bitch about it tonight when you're freezin' your butt off." Or "your bird off." I can't always understand her, but I understand her, if you know what I mean.

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