They Came At Us With Spears

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C+ | Grade It Now!
For The Lava God, Here We Go Again

Anyway, Brady reacts to Chad's news with this interview: "Greeeat. The guy with the mechanical leg's gonna win for sure! He's nice, he's smart, he's quiet, and he's got the underdog thing going on. So we're screwed." Officially, that remark is pretty tacky, but unofficially, it's also pretty funny. Because it's kind of true, and if any of these guys were honest, they'd admit they had the same thought somewhere along the line. ["It's certainly what I thought about the New York City cop Ken in...Marquesas? Whichever season that was." -- Wing Chun] Brook tells us he thinks it's "inspirational," but that he'll still vote Chad off if necessary. Yeah. Thanks for that. We slide in extreme close-up, all the way up Chad's Inspirational Leg to Chad's smiling face.

Volcano! Yasur retrieves its treemail, and then there's some kind of dumb-ass group sing as they return to camp. If you can't sing from your belly, don't try to sing like Marines, is what I'm saying. The bad poetry on the clue says very little, although it does seem to suggest that fire will be available to the winning team, and Julie the "youth mentor" claims that they're "psyched up" for the challenge, although frankly, she looks utterly plagued by ennui. Leann chooses this moment to say in her interview that most people think women are weak, which...where does she live? Sheesh. I mean, I agree with her desire to "kick some butt" and all, but fortunately, I don't think most people think women are weak at this moment in history. At least, I like to think not.

The teams make their way to the challenge and meet up with Jeff at what appears to be a big obstacle course. He asks the women how they're doing, and they say they've spent "two long, cold, wet nights" at camp without fire. The guys add that they need fire before they can have water, so that's their priority. Jeff explains that indeed, the challenge is in the form of an obstacle course that the team will do in one big group. It starts with a belly crawl in the mud, and then three team members will operate a box maze and drop a ball into a net at the end. Once the maze is done, they'll all have to get across a balance beam, and then run and build a fire in a kettle. When the fire burns through the rope stretched above the kettle, a torch drops. You light the torch and then light one last fire, and you're done. The reward segment is that if you win, you get flint, which can be used with your machete to make fire, at least in theory. In addition, you'll take the pointy-headed immunity idol. Which is...really, really pointy-headed.

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