They're Back!

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Tina Tumbles

Big Tom, in an interview: "I never heard so much crybaby titty-suckin' in all my life." HA! I didn't know you could say "titty-suckin'" on TV. I guess you can, as long as it's not sexy. Thus? Big Tom, Obscenity Pioneer. He goes on to mock everyone for being so whiny about the conditions. "They're gonna hafta toughen up a li'l bit," he says. Alicia, meanwhile, quizzes Sue and finds that she thinks the shelter is fine, and that's all the information Alicia needs. She declares that the other people can sleep, so she's done worrying about the shelter. Boston Rob calmly interviews: "What can I say about Alicia? She's a drama queen. You want the facts, you come to Mariano, you get it as it is. She's a drama queen." Heh. I know I'll hate him in under three episodes or however long it takes for him to grow a mustache, whichever is shorter, but he's kind of entertaining me right now. In an interview, Alicia sees things differently. "Who made Rob master of this camp and Amber his little in-pocket girl?" That clip certainly made it look like it was Alicia, not Rob, who was trying to be master of the camp, but I can't speak to what else he might have done. I also don't understand why they couldn't have, say, three people work on the shelter and three work on water. Is this Starting Over, where you're graded on your team-building exercise instead of actually having to accomplish anything? How many people does it take to make fire, anyway?

Elsewhere, as they gather logs, Boston Rob asks Amber if she wants to be in an alliance with him. It does not come with a ring. She's not sure at first whether he's serious, but he assures her that he is. "It's just we can't make it obvious at all," he admonishes her. "Like, I'm carryin' logs with you right now? That's gotta end." Okay, I thought that was sort of funny, too. I am an easy target tonight, I think. I've been watching too much American Idol. He asks Amber if she wants to be his ally, and she says she does. He interviews that he started the alliance with Amber "for obvious reasons...she's beautiful." Ohhh...right. Boston Rob. I remember you, and why I will eventually hate you. He insists that he will keep his word to her: "I trust her, I don't think she's going to screw me." Oh, Boston Rob. I beg to differ.

It is Day 2 at Mogo Mogo, and Lex's earrings are jangling happily as he tries to make fire. He and Colby are trading off rubbing the wood together, and even I will admit that it does have a rather sexy vibe to it, if you're into that kind of thing. But the first person to smash their names together and make a new word for them as a couple gets banned. Anyway, again, there is smoke, but there is no fire. Colby interviews that he thinks they've all had their moments to wonder what the hell they're doing out here again. Hatch interviews: "Yeah, I think I could start the fire without even blinkin'. They don't need to know that," he giggles. See, I just don't find that witty anymore. I find it really, really forced. That is a guy who has been on television just a little too much and has not aged well as a former contestant. He also comments that his fellow tribemates are all skinny, and that he will still be chunky when they are fading away. Indeed, he seems to have packed on a little weight for the trip, given how he's looked when I've seen him in the past. "I'm fine," he says. "I'm not even hungry." He pauses for maximum dramatic effect. "They could think I'm just cocky and arrogant and could last the whole game." He says. Then he looks up. "Hm. Imagine that," he snots. He just does nothing for me at this point. I'm all Hatched out. I've had my fill. I've seen his game, and now I'm done. I'm not even intrigued by his skirt. Yeah, you heard me. He's wearing a skirt. And because he wants me to pay a lot of attention to it, I don't want to.

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